A Snare for the Innocent

Author: **The Badger** » January 25, 2008, 12:02 pm

STARS,
You need to take control NOW !!
Is there sum reason you or your wife need a pickup truck or is it "for show"
Sit your wife down and explain your financial situation.
"Marriage is supposed to be a partnership with major purchases discussed.
I have found Thais are not strong on Fiscal responsibility at least the ones I know.They have short noses and thats about as far as they can see.
The purchase of the new pickup truck is a major break of trust and I would give her the choice, Send it back or ????? .
You don't give your age or that of your wife.that would have sum bearing on your situation. Younger gals seem to want more more ..........
Sorry to say mate, but your being scammed. You hold all the cards. Wot will your wife do without her "Kwai"
I have my TG with me in Singapore for 0ne year and give her control of household expenses. She carrys a little calculator everywhere converting $Sgn to Baht, then mutters "me kee niow" and ends up not buying anything.
Can,t see this one ending well for you but Chok Dee

Author: **ronan01** » January 25, 2008, 12:09 pm

I think you should follow the advice from Udonexpat:

1. Save 10% of monthly income (at a min)
2. Budget - give tg fixed amount and stick to it
3. You work a little bit
4. TG can also work a bit

Author: **STARS** » January 25, 2008, 1:25 pm

aznyron,
I enjoy reading you, you paint some pictures well. It is good to make note of all the facts while searching for answers. I remember reading you in the past.
I just got back on line here. There is much to be covered in the replies from forum members.
Thanks, STARS

Author: **STARS** » January 25, 2008, 3:21 pm

arjay wrote:Just a few thoughts here and there.

You don't say how long you have been married, or lived together before you went back to the USA. If you have not been living with her, it is difficult to know whether her motives are genuine and she's just incapable of managing money well, or if she is trying to squeeze the most out of you.

You could try bringing home the harsher realities, by for example:

Saying that you will have to sell the truck to pay for the windows (Don't let on about your medical emergencies budget). Unless perhaps she can think of another way of financing them.

Ask her what she would think or do, if on your way back you had bought a new truck without consulting her and you now have two, on monthly finance!. Maybe you could say you have!

When she goes shopping, give her a pre-determined (pre-agreed) amount of money e.g. 500 or 1000 or 1500 baht, and then stay out of the way when she shops and pays.

Are you thinking of leaving her? It does sound like you need to put your foot on the (her) ball, and get a very clear understanding about what is and isn't acceptable.

You could ask her to help you work through the math (ensuring that you don't over-state, or preferably do understate your income). Though whilst she might see and agree with the conclusions, it may end up just being "water off a duck's back"!!

I agree very much with Bob, patriot and aznyron's comments.

arjay,
I am looking over your replies. It will be 3 years in early Feb. that we first started to communicate via internet. We lived together 8 months here, I for better or for worse had to return to the States and was there 1 1/2 years. I am back here and living together for 3 months now. Maybe a combo with her not being able to manage money well and me being squeezed for money as well. With little fault I have sensed her as being fairly honest from the beginning about all that is coming down here. I think she has it formed in her mind that Americans are most likely a source of great wealth whether she knows that I am not or not. But seems willing to come to accept the fact that I am not, as I told her from the start that I am a poor American. She appears willing to bend to whatever the situation need adhere to even though her desires from the start had a simple lean toward the material gain that we encounter here. She told me about buying the truck after she bought it while I was in the US. The way things were going I thought that she had put the end to the little potential we had to ever be together again. I did let it slide having no way to actualy handle the situation well from the other side of the world on the 5 minute phone calls.
We are close to the same age, having enough in common for a good partnership. I am not thinking of leaving her, if that had been the case then I never would have endured the 1 1/2 year back in the States. Going through what I did only revealed the many reasons to me as to why a falang would just leave a poor Thai wife hanging and bolt it. Faithfulness and love can come only at a high cost. If it ends it will only because there is no other way. When I mention that if we spend too much money on things here that I will have to go back to the States, she seems more prone toward suffering a loss rather than to have me leave here.
I am in agreement with the comments from Bob as well as the input from much of the rest of every one. I spoke to her about the budget and the possible loss of her truck when I arrived here in October. Since then I decided to put it on the back burner and observe things more. It is time now to bring things into better focus with her and has to start with the idea of a fixed monthly budget. This will be difficult as I have noticed things that she refuses to sacrifice and the idea that we need or want something is more important than if we have enough of money for it. I'm sure also that if she says OK to giving something up it will turn out trying to keep it. She certainly has no indication of, from what I have read in other threads, "income verses cost of living reality." This will not be easy but an attempt must be made and need be navigated consistantly.
I enjoyed your reply, especially the part "water off a duck's back"

Author: **STARS** » January 25, 2008, 7:49 pm

You guys are are good!
I maintain a good standing for all the replies, from the critical and harsh to the gentle and encouraging, the balance is there. I must admit times that I thought not to be able to take it anymore, but I haven't ducked out of the deal yet through the tuff times. I think I will keep on trying unless I see that aznyron and The Badger are perfectly right.

Author: **aznyron** » January 25, 2008, 7:58 pm

stars I want to wish you the best which ever road you take
you wrote for advice & you got it from all who have been there at one point in time
now it up to you and your lovely wife to work out the problems I do sincerly hope she does the correct thing and be a 50% partner in the marriage and you contribute the other 50% & it will work

Author: **Ricky** » January 25, 2008, 8:37 pm

Yes, best of luck, STARS. I hope it all works out for the good.

Author: **kiwirich** » February 20, 2008, 6:19 pm

well i must be the odd man out ,im hopless with money and my thai wife is very thrifty,she sets a budget for me re beer ciggys ect.and the rest gets saved.

i think comming from a very poor up bringing has made her respect money more than me.

food for thought
rich

A Snare for the Innocent

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