Well hate to be serious for a moment.But mom is being coerced by an older brother to give up her residence and go into an old folks home.Does anyone else have experience with family disfunction and manipulation.(I'll bet you do!)
I feel my hands are tied here for the time being, as wife and I are waiting for perm res status for her.Then I will return to the land of hockey and take care of her,my wife cannot believe that farangs do not take care of their own.
Has anyone gone through this before ,or going through it now. Any input would be appreciated

There are "old folks home" and then there are senior residential facilities. Before my mother died she resided in one of the latter. She had her own one bedroom apartment (about 700 sq. ft.) with a small kitchenette if she wanted to cook. She was able to furnish it to her liking. The cost of her monthly rent was $2000. This included all meals (great food) in a nice dining room, all day long fruit & snacks available, transport to medical appointments, cultural events, movie nights, etc., etc. Many, many in-house activities in the communal rooms. Many of her friends already had apartments there.
It is safe and secure. 24/7 staffed. If she had a problem she could call to the switchboard or press a button that were located in all the rooms in the apartment to alert staff, she also had a necklace that was connected to the office to alert them if she had a problem and couldn't get to one of the wall buttons.
Of course there was some reluctance on her part at first. But she did not want to "burden" my sister. After she had been there awhile she said it was one of the "best decisions" she ever made. My mother was 87 when she went there to live.

My wife made the same comment as yours 38nholding. I answered her that most farangs are very independent and proud and don't want to live with their children. My mother being one of them.
Hope that helped. The most important question is: what does your mother want?

i dont know about canada, but i have worked in many establishments like jingjai describes only in the U K, as a contractor ,renovating flats. and in my experience the ones ive seen are well run by caring staff, the old folk living there are independent yet looked after, and most of the old folk ive talked to in these places would not want to live anywhere else, as they say they have the best of everything, and feel safe. as far as family manipulation is concerned, i personaly dont have that problem. im lucky i have an older sister that looks in on my mum everyweek and is always round the corner in emergencies, and any important decisions she has to make, im always consulted first, i guess im lucky.

well they want to put me in a nut house but instead I came to Thailand LOL
to be more serious my mother is still alive and lives in Brooklyn N.Y and is 90 she will be 91 in August and she drinks her share of scotch and smokes about a carton of cigarettes a day well the apartment smell like that LOL she has extension on her toilet seat so she can get up after her nature calls she cooks for her self my younger sister does her food shopping. my sister is 57
also my aunt mom younger sister 78 comes by and they drink and smoke together then my aunt calls car service and go home she is a widow she also lives in Brooklyn close by and she has no children. so in my opinion some times you need to leave them be so they can enjoy there life the way they want to end it cigarette in one hand and glass of scotch in the other who am I to try and change it or her other siblings. I told my mother on her 100 b/day I will get drunk with her. I will be 80 and I don't drink when she hits 100. Oh yes she walks with a walker around the apt she does not go out to much but the building got a elevator (lift) you need to be over 65 to live there she pays her rent according to her income I do not know to much about it I never inquired I am just happy she is happy 38 I hope my post helps you I know when my father brother was put in a nursing home he hated it and wanted out and he died broken man
I could not do any thing to help change that

Thank you for the input. Mom is digging her heels in and wants to stay independant as long as possible.So I also say up to her.Maybe she will like it. meet some friends.But she feels like she is going to an institution.Which it is ,kind of.

Everybodies situation is different,but I worked a little bit in some nursing homes!They were the pits,with minimum care because there are to many residents per staff and most are on soc security and medicare ,so the funding is not there.Most are very depressed and waiting to die!

I have been in a couple that were private pay,very very expensive and they were very well staffed and had great facilities and activities including outings!

If your mom needs nursing care,there are a lot of alternatives including live in assistance.Depending on her needs and the willingness and availability of family members,she can live her remaining years in her own home with familiar surroundings.There are many community based programs to assist also,depending on what kind of med insurance she has.AARP is another resource.

My mother died in a temp nursing home a week after discharge from the hospital!Up until the last hospital visit,she lived at home with nursing care,but she had excellent insurance to cover all her home care.She used to fire the nurses all the time and I would have to fly 300 miles about once a month to reorganize her nursing care and med schedule.She never had any family care except me in her last couple of years as she had disowned her 3 children early in life.

It is sad when an 80 yr.old woman dies that lived in the same town for 50 years and nobody attends her funeral.But we get what we give in this life and no more!

Stan it sad when you don't have loved ones my Father died only the immediate family attended
not one friend showed up if he had any I know if I died in Brooklyn many would come to view me only to make sure it was me & I was DOA As much as I may complain about the thai baht I am happy to say my new thai family loves me and will be saddened when I pass on. and udon map will miss my posting's

Your getting delusional in your self importance!You better show up tomorrow night so we can still see if your sober

Really, it's down to what your mother wants and if she wants to stay put then she should be allowed to providing she can still take care of herself.
My own mother felt the time was right for her to go into a warden controlled place (sounds like a prison) but it's just as Jingjai describes it, almost like a hotel. They have their own apartment inside the main complex, so it feels like you still have your own place with your own front door and letterbox. There is somebody there to check on you at all times, to bathe you (if needed) to do your washing, ironing (if needed) and for you meals too.
Maybe you or you brother could search around for a place like this, they seem to be more popular nowadays than the older style old folks home where they are taken to sit in a chair all day and not moved. There would be no way that I would have let my mother go into a place like that.
You must get your brother to look around at the various places and take your mother along too to get her opinion. If she still wants to stay put then she must be left to.
After reading jingjai's comments again our place was just as he described it.
Hope this helps. Glen2

Thanks all,
Mom has looked at the upscale places ,now about 3000$ a month,nominal care around 2000$ . She is an old farm hand so 'upscale ' is not her style. Sounds like she is going to stay where she is for awhile ,and have "in home assistance' and meals delivered etc.
I am glad I have a new family in Thailand. Hopefully when I am of the age ,will have someone here to take care of me.(won't be long now ).
Thanks again for input.

pleased its sorted itself out for you 38, hope all goes well and your mind is at rest.

Just a small thought, I am not aware of the duties paid when someone dies in the states, however in the UK, the tax can be high and many people now try to find ways round the dreaded death duties,with house prices rising, it can be difficult.
if your mother wishes to stay well done, but possible need to look at duties paid after she has passed on, sorry to be a bit blunt, sometimes it needs to be siad for people to look beyond, not that one likes doing it. When my mother died my brothers nad isiters had a hell of a job as mother never told us the situation.
just a thought for those with a similar predicament.