from stickmans weekly report
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Another One Bites The Dust

His email touched me. I don't know why. But it did. I get a truckload of email but this one stood out. He sounded like a good guy, genuine. It was a familiar theme of the same old story. He'd been had. By a Thai woman. Looking back at his email, I think the words that did it were, "My situation is dire in the extreme."

His story moved me so much that I sent him an email with my phone number and an offer of help, something I almost never do.

He called.

I heard a warmth in his voice. He sounded like your favourite uncle. Decent, hard-working, as honest as the day is long. I wanted to help him so I offered to meet. I was partly thinking that there could be an opportunity for some investigative work, but more than anything, I felt that this was a genuine guy who needed help. And I thought I could provide that help.

He told me his place of work and that, along with his articulate emails gave me the impression that he was a man of the world. We arranged to meet the next day.

He hosted me for lunch but any ideas I had that he was a high flyer were soon shot down. Doing a commission only sales job, he hadn't earned a dime in weeks. His finances were at an all-time low and he was broke. Over lunch in the '70s decor lobby of another mediocre mid-Sukhumvit hotel, he started telling me his tale of woe.

They had met at a hotel a few years back. I never did inquire as to whether it was he who was working there, she working there, or perhaps both. But one thing was made clear from the outset. She was a good girl, not a hooker. A courtship began and they quickly fell in love. The world was beautiful and he had never been happier when he married his Thai teeruk on Valentine's Day, 2006.

The Canadian Winter is few people's idea of happy living and with a Thai wife 30 years his junior, the decision for him to relocate to Thailand was easy. He severed all ties with Canada. He sold what he could and gave the rest away. This was it. The big, permanent move to Thailand. No plans to ever return to the land of maple syrup and Wayne Gretzky.

They set about building their dream house in the lower Isaan, the area she came from. Many millions of baht were sunk into the property.

It's debatable at which point he made his first mistake. The cynical would say that simply thaiing the knot was a mistake. Others may argue that building a house - which of course cannot be in his name - was his first major error. I would suggest that the first big mistake he made was over-extending his finances. The house was almost finished but there was a problem. A big problem. The money had run out. He had almost nothing left and as many a farang seeking employment in Isaan has found, opportunities are few and far between. The only real option is to start up your own venture - for which money is needed. And that was the one thing he didn't have.

Their relationship was not entirely typical. While the house was being built, he financed her through university in Bangkok while he stayed in Isaan. Presumably he was up there keeping an eye on progress on the house. It was an odd arrangement, him in Isaan, her in Bangkok.

After graduating she secured an office job with a computer firm in downtown Bangkok.

Money was getting tight. He was keeping a place in Isaan and she was paying for a room in Bangkok. It didn't make sense so he joined her in Bangkok where their life was the confines of a small studio, all paid for from her moderate income of just 15,000 baht a month.

It was the complete opposite of what we usually hear. A pretty Thai lady in her 20s on a moderate office girl's salary supporting her late 50s Western husband. Finances were as tight as you can get. She gave him 34 baht a day, enough for a simple meal and water from the restaurant on the ground floor.

Things weren't just tight financially, they were at breaking point. There was no fat in the budget for any contingency and ridiculous compromises were being made. Compromise soon became sacrifice.

He was the man in the relationship and he needed to be more proactive. In Thailand the man is expected to provide for the woman and the idea of a woman providing for a man raises eyebrows. A Thai woman supporting a Western man raises more eyebrows and in an extreme case, where a young, pretty Thai woman is supporting an older and with all due respect, not one of God's most spectacular physical specimens, observers are dumbfound.

His friends should have put the hard word on him at that point. “Buddy, you can't go on like this. You HAVE GOT TO get a job!” That's what friends should have been telling him. Perhaps he felt that the 6 odd million baht he had put into the house and used to support her meant she should be willing to support him for a while. Who knows?

He eventually got a job, a commission only position - the last thing he needed. But a job was only part of what he needed. A regular income was urgently required. Why he didn't go out and get an English teaching position I don't know. He could easily enough secure a job pulling 30,000 baht a month. It won't make you rich, but it will see you through the tough times. Add that to her 15K baht and they could have got by quite comfortably. And his pride would have been restored somewhat. A man without an income is a man without pride. And a man who has lost his pride is attractive to no-one.

One could be mistaken for thinking the Canadian sounds like a lazy husband unable to provide for his wife. But that would not be fair. He had paid her parents a very fair dowry of 200,000 baht and put between 5 and 6 million baht into a house which is almost finished. He'd also supported her for a period of time. He may now have been experiencing tough times but up to that point he had done most things right and in many ways had been the model husband.

So there they were, living in a small apartment in Bangkok, her going out each day to work in her regular office job and returning home to look after him.

His inability to provide and to be the man about the house was slowly eating away at her. He started noticing changes. Subtle changes, but changes nonetheless. It's now clear to him that this was the tipping point.

She had always worked regular hours but around that time she started coming home late. He didn't suspect anything at first. Then she came home later. And later. Sometimes after midnight. It was clear that something wasn't right.

She had previously mentioned that she had met a guy called Robert at All Seasons Place. A foreigner. She also mentioned that she had a new boss at work, a Brit by the name of Marvin. She would often talk of Marvin, how he had lots of money, but how he had a bargirl for a girlfriend, something she just couldn't understand. She clearly liked Marvin and he exploited it, taking her out to ***** venues for lunch, something she was not shy to regale upon Mr. Canada.

Putting one and one together, Mr. Canada was certain that his wife was having an affair and felt that it was with her new boss, Marvin. He had arrived at the company a few months earlier and her erratic, or should I say erotic behaviour probably started soon after.

He caught her on the phone one day when she popped out to get some water. He watched her from the balcony and tracked her movement to the shop but she never made it there. He ran downstairs and caught her merrily chatting away on the phone in English. He grabbed the phone from her and found that she was talking to a guy with a British accent. She claimed it was this so-called Robert, a fictitious character, when almost certainly it was Marvin.

This was all getting rather depressing and Mr. Canada was telling the story with what the Thais would call a heavy heart. He had started off quite composed but it didn't take a shrink to realise that this whole episode had ripped him apart. He was cracking before my eyes. I made my excuses to refill my plate, giving him a few minutes to recompose himself.

As the story continued, Mr. Canada explained that she had taken a trip up to Isaan the weekend before, the purpose of which was to meet with the workers and check on progress at their dream house. She has no shortage of clothes and other personal items up there but she packed some fancy clothes to take with her. She'd never done that before.

She was due back in Bangkok on the Monday morning but on Sunday night she called to say that she had been unable to get a bus ticket and would be back the next day. The same excuse was repeated the following evening. Come Tuesday and finally she managed to get a ticket leaving the lower Isaan that night. She would arrive back in Bangkok on Wednesday morning and would go straight from Morchit Bus Station to work. She would see Mr. Canada on Wednesday night. He had friends in from Canada and they had a big dinner planned for that night. She eventually joined him at dinner 2 hours late, causing him immense embarrassment in front of his friends. At the end of dinner they headed back to their studio apartment at which point she collected some clothes and other personal items and popped out. He hasn't seen her since. It was the next day that he contacted me.

“My situation is dire in the extreme”, the email had said. He couldn't have described it more accurately. In summary, he had retired to Thailand, invested every last dollar into the relationship and the construction of their dream house, struggled to find work and now his wife had left him without explanation. He was certain that she had been lured by her English boss, Marvin, a not particularly handsome, but much younger Brit who supposedly had no shortage of cash and a willingness to spend it.

I asked him what his desired outcome was. He's wise and knows that the trust has been shattered. Reconciliation just isn't an option.

So what is the desired outcome?

His world had fallen apart. The woman he had loved more than any other had left him, and with it he had lost his entire life's savings, a blow of monumental proportions to someone at the end of their work life. He's been humiliated and with his life's savings as good as gone, he will soon lose his ability to stay in the country. He doesn't have the finances required for either a retirement, or even a marriage visa. It's an absolute worst case scenario.

His mother in law and his wife's sister heard what had happened and came down from Isaan. When they entered his studio apartment he was embraced by his mother in law, something she'd never previously done. They stood there hugging each other, tears pouring, an endless embrace. Their bodies shook as they held each other tight for support. The sister was caught up in the emotion and there wasn't a dry eye in the room. Eventually managing to regain her composure, mother in law explained that she was terribly sorry about what had happened. Mr. Canada was given an open invitation to go and live with them up in Isaan. He was not just welcome, he was family.

In an attempt to atone for his wife's sins, they set about cleaning the apartment like it had never been cleaned before, starting on him. They did his finger nails, his toe nails, massaged him all the while reiterating over and over again how sorry they were. Contrition doesn't even start to describe it.

The family understood the concept of honour. They have a genuine sense of pride. What the daughter had done was unquestionably wrong after everything her husband, Mr. Canada, had done for her.

I tried to formulate a strategy with him. Sleeping with someone else's wife in Thailand – yes, they are legally married - is seriously bad news and open's the horny devil up to legal action and a civil suit that can run easily run into millions of baht. Legal redress was available and Mr. Canada started licking his lips.

Some would argue that such a law has no place in the 21st century. I would disagree. In a country where the man is essentially forced to purchase his bride (by way of sin sot / dowry payment), there needs to be a form of redress available should she decide to do a runner.

Marvin held a senior position with an expat salary. As I would soon discover, he also has a ***** pad. There's no shortage of cash in the Marvin household. But Mr. Canada did not appear to have the finances to pursue it in court. Such cases require a good deal of proof so not only are there legal fees, clear evidence is required. You need a good PI to gather that and witness accounts which would make the case even more solid.

I know a little about such cases locally and explained that as she was clearly in the wrong he could sue her for divorce on the grounds of adultery and get the house sold and the proceeds transferred back to him. He could also take legal action against Marvin and seek millions in damages. On the basis of what he had told me, he had a prima facie case and a high chance of success.

But there was a major problem. A big problem. The dream home had been built on land that was in the family's name. Even if she was willing, they could not just sell it and divvy up the money. The house is located well off the main road and on the family's land. No-one is going to be interested in buying it. It's there to stay. There's nothing he can do about it. The money sunk into the house is as good as gone.

Mr. Canada has been shafted. He hasn't just lost his wife, he's lost his life. The fruits of a lifetime of work. He's just a couple of years off retirement. Everything he had 2 ½ years ago is gone. His wife, his money, his hopes and his dreams. His life. He has nothing more to lose. Nothing. A man in that situation is a very dangerous animal.

We decided that the best thing to do would be for an intermediary to talk with Marvin, to open dialogue. Mr. Canada knew that he could not possibly keep a lid on his emotions and felt that someone with a cool head, someone who knew the ins and outs of the issue could assist. Enter Stick!

Mr. Canada expressed a preference for me to go to Marvin's office directly and have a quiet chat with him. He felt it would be preferable to calling him on the phone. But in person you never know how someone might react, especially someone you have never met. I decided the telephone might work better. I tried calling him. 15 seconds into the call, immediately after I explained why I was calling he hung up. Repeated calls to him at the office weren't connected. Suddenly he was out on urgent business. His cage had been rattled and he was on the run!

Despite claiming that he had left the office "for an emergency", the office staff were typically Thai and ever so keen to please. They offered not only his mobile phone number but various other personal details. They knew this would defray the mounting pressure on them. Give the caller as much as he wanted so as to get rid of him was their policy. They were willing to answer almost any question asked. Good, long answers. All sorts of details. An investigator's dream. A profile was built.

Background sleuthing dug up more about Marvin and Mr. Canada's good lady. Despite calling Mr. Canada from home the previous week and saying she could not get a ticket to return to the capital, she had in fact returned to Bangkok from Isaan on the 9:30 PM bus on Sunday night, in seats B6 and C6. Yes, you read that right - two seats. One for her. And one for Marvin! While she had claimed she was still up in Isaan on the Monday and Tuesday, she was instead at loverboy's ***** Sukhumvit palace.

He amateurishly evaded my calls. I sent Marvin a text, saying that all I wanted to do was talk. I said I was reasonable. I am. He refused to get in contact.

As easy as it would have been, I was not inclined to approach him. It wasn't Mrs. Stick he was bonking but some other bloke's Mrs. And this wasn't a full on investigation. It was simply a bit of help for a decent guy. Marvin was on the run!

As I was trying to get hold of Marvin, Mr. Canada was sending me messages. He was unable to retain his composure. He could see his life was slipping away. He was starting to crack. Pleas were made for Marvin to be red-flagged at the airport. What was he thinking?! No foreigner can manage that. I was now in the familiar role that Bangkok PIs find themselves in, not just an investigator, but a counsellor too.

Early that evening, just a few hours after we had met for lunch, Mr. Canada's phone was ringing hot as the wife's sister and mother called him from upcountry. They let him have it with a flurry of abuse. They were beyond angry. They wanted to know why he had sent a hitman to the office to kill their daughter! Yep, that is what they said. Their so-called love for Mr. Canada was destroyed when they heard that an assassin had been sent! As they explained it, no-one could work all afternoon at the office after the hitman had visited the office! Somehow Mr. Canada believed it and thought that I really had gone to the office and threatened to kill someone. Madness! I had in fact only spoken on the phone. Making threats to kill someone?! Hmmm, that's a new one, something I've never been accused of before.

The family now had an excuse to cut off Mr. Canada. That he had hired a hitman to kill their daughter was more than adequate grounds to cut him off. A multi-million baht house was at stake!

Where the idea of a hitman came from, who knows? Perhaps Marvin made it up? More likely Mr. Canada's wife twisted things to turn the family against him. The family made a point of telling Mr. Canada that his wife had stopped work and he presumed that she was holed up in Marvin's palace, a building he had visited but which security prevented him from entering. He will be back, that's for sure. There will be fireworks. It is just a matter of time.

It was at that point that I decided I should slip into the shadows. Things had become pear-shaped. Mr. Canada was losing it and God only knows what would happen next. There was no upside for me, that's for sure. My involvement was merely a favour. He'd already had more than fair value from the lunch he'd sprung for.

Whatever happens next won't be pretty. Mr. Canada's life has been taken away from him by Marvin. Mr. Canada is not going to walk away. I suggested that he seek a loan of a few thousand dollars from friends or family at home to pursue legal action. You really can get a good lawyer in Bangkok for that amount. Gather more evidence and then go after Marvin. Marvin has, after all, stolen not just his wife, but his life. And Thai law is very, very clearly on Mr. Canada's side.

Mr. Canada is a regular Western guy who tried to do the right thing by his wife. Treat her well, support her, build her a house. But he ran out of money. That was a mistake of colossal proportions. Thailand is not a good place to be broke. What do they say? No money, no honey. But you would hope his wife would have stood by him. Isn't that what marriage is supposed to be about?!

Will he raise the money for legal action? What if he lives in a tall building? It's going to end very badly for all involved. That's why I extricated myself from it quick smart.

It's all a big, horrible tale of woe. An older Western man puts everything in his wife's name and then she goes on to leave him for a younger, wealthier guy. He's already turned his back on Canada. Going back with his tale between his legs is not an option. He's got nothing to live for. He has lost everything already.

Yes, Marvin, there is such a thing in this world as cause and effect...

cryptic wrote:This is a story conjured up by stickman, what a load of crap. Yes it does happen, just wait for part 2, 3, 4 of this phoney story. Stickman must need some attention for his site.

beer monkey wrote:Wonder if he used Marvin's real name, unusual name for a young brit.