Tricycle’s Guide to Loving Your Bargirl Girlfriend LONGtime New
Published by John Obama on January 12th, 2009 in Reader Submissions. 25 Comments New
http://www.tfs2m.com/reader-submissions ... -longtime/

With so many books on the subject, countless blogs and even Mrs. Stick - I thought it was time to clear the air and help my fellow brethren out. You obviously took the time to find her, wine her, dine her and pay the lifetime bar so what you need now is the guide - the definitive guide - to making sure you can keep a good thing going.

You did pay the lifetime bar I hope?

God knows having to kick her out and send her back to the pole is mighty painful - some die over it - but who wants to pay another lifetime bar? Let alone train another 18 year old in how to perform the perfect blowie, master a proper Farang breakfast and to leave you alone during the morning throne room time. Not you. You are too good for that. Ignore the rest - Tricycle knows best.

Once again these are not in any particular order but avoid them at your peril.

The Lifetime Bar:

**** pay it. The reality is you will be visiting your bird’s bar more than any other bar. Sure night’s out with the boys, about once a month now, will allow you to explore the likes of Suttisan or some other place that the bargirl network your girl subscribes to can’t reach but for the most part your nights out will be with your bird and at her bar. You really want the whole tribe looking at you each time knowing you can’t afford the lifetime bar? I don’t think so. Pay it. Get some good clean bills and hand it over knowing it will create a strong foundation for the future life with your honey. Keep in mind also that you will earn major brownie points with the management of the bar. Lifetime bar money will go right into the pockets of the mamasan and the floor manager. The owners will never see it since they won’t know it has even been paid to begin with. Think of it as wealth transference. They will love you for it.

Salary - Play Money - Pay per Bang - Per Diem:

Let’s be honest, you didn’t pull her of the pole so she could go get a full-time job now did u? You took the tight little honey off the market so you could bang her on a regular basis without having to think in terms of bar fines, short times and long times. Fine. Let’s be honest though - she needs money, her family needs money and her friends need to go out sometime and when they do she needs to pay the bill. The biggest face saving maneuver you could do is open up a joint account with her and make sure it has cash in it. You trusted her enough to bring her into your home so trust her now with some cash. Just simplify and move on to higher ground.

Her friends:

Although she has left the bar she has not left her friends. Jing jing. That is her support group, her therapist network(why does he spend an hour in the toilet every morning), and her tether back to mother ship in case you dump her and she returns to work. Yes – accept it now. If you dump her she returns to the bar. No matter how many English lessons you paid for, the part-time job at the salon you helped her to get (BTW she does not actually work there but shows up everyday to make you feel better) or the palace you may have built up in Sisaket – she will return to the bar within a month of you dumping her. It is genetic. Given all this it is best to allow her to keep up appearances.

My suggestion is every 3 months you hand her 10k and tell her to go barfine her friends and take them all out for a night of sanook. Suggest a place like Hollywood or Dance Fever and go with them. She needs to be the one to pay the tab for the night. Think face. Makes up for the other **** you put her through. At least you will have some coyote eye candy to fantasize about (yes – she gained weight since she quit working the pole – what did u think would happen?) and will allow you to see if any of her friends are a possible replacement choice for down the road. Sure – you may be thinking bargirl party back at the pad but she won’t like that suggestion. Trust me. Your 3some awaits you at the Eden Club providing your sweet thing did not work on Suk 7/1. You forgot about that didn’t you?

Living Arrangements:

You may have built the pad for the family but most of the time there are so many others living in it that her immediate family will come down and stay with you in Bangkok. Get a 2-bedroom place and make sure you have a proper kitchen otherwise they will cook in the living room. They will probably overstay their welcome but only by a few months but there is nothing you can do about this. These are the parents of the love of your life and you will use this later when you bargain on the sinsot. You can add up all the money you wasted on them and deduct it from the sinsot. Just think of it as your Isaan savings account. There is another bennie to them coming down often - you can go out and tell your honey that she needs quality time with the folks and you need a breather. Head down to the massage joints and shag a real hottie. Yearn for the days when your girl used to thrill you in the same way. Can you say strange?

The last bennie, tread carefully here, is that her younger sister will start to come around more as she reaches that age. You know – the age where mom and dad think she is old enough to at least be a service girl in her older sister’s go-go bar. This is music to your ears. She will need to be broken in prior to hitting the pole - which usually comes just a few months after she starts the service gig. So keep putting up with that smell of the bu balaa in the fridge since your time is coming. One night over some Mekong sodas dad is going to ask if you would be willing to do the deed. He wants it to be someone they know, someone who gets the seriousness of the situation and who better than you? Take the deal but try to keep it a secret if you can. Sure you are going to have to pay dad for the privilege but compared to the money you have already wasted (charm bracelet) this is nothing. Good things come to those who wait. Fresh strange.

Gold Shops:

You can try to avoid them all you want but every bargirl yearns for some gold and your girl is no different. Don’t believe me? Try the “my bargirl is different than all the other bargirls” test. Check out her breasts – does she have 3 of them? No - she has two. Same same – not different. Point is she wants some gold, her family wants her to have some gold and her friends think you are a cheap ass, again, for not buying any. Notice that each time you go shopping at Care4 or Tesco that there is a gold shop brooding over you while you waste away in the checkout line. What do you think that is all about? She picked that line buddy so you would have to stare at the gold shop and stare at her big, sexy doe eyes making love to the gold. Just deal with it but do it right.

Get matching charm bracelets. Have your name inscribed on hers and her name on yours but choose the charm items that have meaning. Best to hit one of the tacky shops in MBK that specialize in this. They have buffalo charms, mortar and pestle charms to represent the creation of somtum, a small replica Isaan house charm (they might look like the small pieces from the monopoly game), rice fields and so on. With the new technology that is used for those crystal laser cubes you see on the street all the time, they can even make mini charms out of your faces. This will end the gold lust for a while but probably not forever.

The Thai Boyfriend:

This is the hardest part of the scenario to come to grips with but it is real so therefore it has to be said. She probably has a Thai boyfriend on the side. I know. It is tough but that guy who pretends to be a DJ in the go-go bar is the culprit. He is shagging all of them. Don’t ask me why but it just is the case so best to deal with the situation head on in the your most face saving Thai way. Confrontation would be silly - at best.

As an aside one could wish that your girl did not have a boyfriend at all but that is probably wishful thinking since you know how her Mom is always asking for the addition to the pad and the air-conditioning? Since you always say no you probably think the matter is settled. Well - it’s not. Its festering like a genital wart with no intention of going away on its own. Given this - every time your girl is on the phone with Mom it is being discussed but it’s that part they do in passaa Isaan when they talk really fast in hopes you don’t have a **** clue as to what they they are saying. Correct - the Thai lessons only go so far. Point is the mother needs a bigger pad and she wants air. Since you aren’t paying for it someone has to. So, if you are lucky, the guy on the side funding the air and the porch is a Farang. A white guy. Breath a sigh of relief. Chances are he wears a rubber. If so - move on. Case closed.

If the example above does not hold relevance then we are back to the Thai DJ scenario. Thai guys know how to work their magic - they always convince the girls to do the deed without a condom. Somthing about it not feeling the same and denying the male his natural born right to do it bareback. Anyway. Usually the girls says yes - notice all the babies? Thai guys love girls with a Farang boyfriend because usually the Farang has his girl on the pill so he can shag his missus like nature intended. This is just a bonus to the Thai dude since he gets his kicks with no baby fears. Briliant. Anyway - point is you need to tackle the issue head on. Pick up a carton of cigs and a case of condoms. Some time, when no one is looking, slide over to the DJ both and hand them both over. Nothing needs to be said since he will get it. Trust me.
Related Posts from the past:

Bangkok Guide
Google Maps for Thailand now in English…
Korat Bargirls circa 1966-67
Soi 7 Biergarten review
Forte review
Rawhide review
25 Responses to “Tricycle’s Guide to Loving Your Bargirl Girlfriend LONGtime”
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1. 1 DaywalkerNew Jan 12th, 2009 at 2:47 pm

Great stuff. Tells it like it is.


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2. 2 radicalronNew Jan 12th, 2009 at 2:48 pm

Friggin Geneous!
View all comments by radicalron
3. 3 oaktoadNew Jan 12th, 2009 at 4:00 pm

I guess you meant this to be humourous and it is, but certainly not a real guide to handling an ex bar girl …

paying a life time barfine, what a waste of money ..

giving a salary, silly isn’t it .. unless she is still just a whore to you

Don’t let the family move in, they will never leave.. so either make that clear before you invite her in .. or, rent another place a bit away from yours for them to stay in .

as far as the younger sister .. just remember the old lovin’ spoonful song .. ‘then you better make up your mind, say yes to one and leave the other behind, it ain’t often easy and often unkind, but you better make up your mind”

gold shops, for birthdays only .. and then within reason

Thai b/f, first sign of one, get rid of her .. and make sure she knows you are serious .. unless you want whatever he has??
View all comments by oaktoad
4. 4 jonfumuNew Jan 12th, 2009 at 4:12 pm

just getting my T.G. fitted with her 3rd breast now ….because she’s different..!!! honest guv’nor !
View all comments by jonfumu
5. 5 sideshowBOBNew Jan 12th, 2009 at 4:14 pm

oak - u seem to speaking from jilted experience?



j - I suppose bumrungrad may have run on this new, but special procedure.
View all comments by sideshowBOB
6. 6 TricycleNew Jan 12th, 2009 at 4:17 pm

dw: doing my best

rr: bouts of it

oak: u seem to be doubting the knowledge and wisdom I am sharing here. your use of the dreaded w word makes u sound angry. If she came from the pole I mean she is one right? but its not so bad. better than a girl pretending to be a gf but is actually - I can’t say it.

j: ****. I never suspected one might add the 3rd breast just to be different, not same. impressive.
View all comments by Tricycle
7. 7 UnCochinoWetbackNew Jan 12th, 2009 at 4:30 pm

good points about the gold and the thai bf. i love when my hoe looks like mr. T. the last time i bought her a medallion i had a gold dookie chain custom made just so she can be the illest chick in the fishbowl.

about the thai bf. i found that photoshop really comes in handy with this. take him out for a night on the town. make sure you take lots of pics of him chugging on a few bottles of beer. when you get home open your “regrettable decisions folder” and find the pic of the ugly 60 year old you let blow you. or perhaps you happened to be really drunk in a soi 2 club when you happened upon to guys in the toilet. not being one to waste a memory you snapped a photo. anyways, put the dudes head onto the cock and make lots of copies. for this mission you should have a ninja suit available. if you don’t happen to own one make quick trip to sampeng to get one. dress up in your ninja attire and stealthily walk around soi cowboy and sit in a dark corner. using your ninja focus and stealth tape the photoshopped picture up around the bar where all the girls can see with a note saying something to the effect of “do you know where that mouth has been” in thai of course. repeat until effective.
View all comments by UnCochinoWetback
8. 8 Bangkok Bad BoyNew Jan 12th, 2009 at 4:32 pm

@UCW: What kind of fabrics are ninja suits generally cut from? Can they be worn with lightweight dress shoes? How about a bandana?
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9. 9 sideshowBOBNew Jan 12th, 2009 at 4:36 pm

saltydripsslippingoffyourhairyspine - checking for that folder right now

bbb - I am pretty sure raja’s on nana has the patterns in stock with a choice of fabrics based on the weather. all of them only come in black.

they don’t have these though:
http://www.whipperleys.co.uk/acatalog/b ... lavas.html

you have to pick those up on soi towel head. I am still looking BTW
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10. 10 oaktoadNew Jan 12th, 2009 at 4:40 pm

no, sideshow, speaking from successful experience
View all comments by oaktoad
11. 11 Bangkok Bad BoyNew Jan 12th, 2009 at 4:48 pm

@ssB: I’ve got the balaclavas covered via the Irish connection, back when terrorists were REAL terrorists.

You think Raja could knock up a one-off pink ninja suit for YP?
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
12. 12 sideshowBOBNew Jan 12th, 2009 at 4:55 pm

bbb - sure I think they need some money given hotel david looks to be permanently stalled.
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13. 13 generous sponsorNew Jan 12th, 2009 at 5:06 pm

another “how to” guide? BBK, is that you trying to take the piss?
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14. 14 TricycleNew Jan 12th, 2009 at 5:11 pm

gs: the man that giveth too much. don’t insult me

let my record show for itself.

http://www.tfs2m.com/reader-submissions ... the-cheap/
View all comments by Tricycle
15. 15 GregNew Jan 12th, 2009 at 6:33 pm

Very funny and entertaining post.
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16. 16 JulianNew Jan 12th, 2009 at 7:30 pm

Speaking of, has anyone seen this movie? http://www.routledge-ny.com/ref/documen ... ngkok.html

Seems there is more than one film out there about the scene.
View all comments by Julian
17. 17 UnCochinoWetbackNew Jan 12th, 2009 at 8:16 pm

the thing about wearing a ninja suit in a go-go bar is that you want to remain stealth but if you happen to be spotted by a dancer you still want to impress. there is a fine selection of louis vuitton, burberry and gucci patterns. one advisable solution to this problem is having a double sided suit with the black on one side and the brightly colored on the other. that way you can easily switch out and change so as not to raise any suspicions. say once you’ve finished your mission you can walk into the restroom and turn the suit inside out revealing the flashy more fetching side. in the ninja business this is the equivalent of the mullet as it’s a great way of mixing ones commitment to being the best ninja with the urge to let it all hang out.

i would advise to stay away from synthetic ninja suits since they chafe in the crotch area which we all know is the worst thing that can happen to a ninja.

ssb- did you find the folder yet?
View all comments by UnCochinoWetback
18. 18 limmyNew Jan 12th, 2009 at 8:53 pm

freackin hilarious n quite some semblance of truth there put in a humourous style. love it!
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19. 19 sideshowBOBNew Jan 12th, 2009 at 9:07 pm

un - my computer appears not to have one of those folders. weird.

julian - interesting. anyone see the soi cowboy moving yet?
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20. 20 oaktoadNew Jan 12th, 2009 at 9:12 pm

if she came from the pole she is a whore ??

with that attitude, no wonder you have so many problems

as I noted, if you treat her like a whore, what do you expect her to act like

treat her like someone that you love and respect and you will have a very different experience

then again, most guys do not bother to think this thru until they are shacked up .. too late then to really do much ..

need to plan this, cover the topics before you start to live together..
View all comments by oaktoad
21. 21 Bangkok Bad BoyNew Jan 12th, 2009 at 9:20 pm

Are there some girls working the pole who aren’t whores?

We should be informed…
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
22. 22 TricycleNew Jan 12th, 2009 at 9:22 pm

oakey fanoakey: if i recall you started using the W word. not I. who said I had any problems - I wrote the freaking definitive guide to not having any problems. As GI Joe, the cartoon, always said - knowing is half the battle.
View all comments by Tricycle
23. 23 sideshowBOBNew Jan 12th, 2009 at 9:26 pm

oakley - we could get into the whole - shades of grey discussion but they are selling themselves last time I checked but that word. I hate it but anyway my advice is never, ever live together.

bbb - in some areas. I heard anyway.
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24. 24 Pattaya GhostNew Jan 12th, 2009 at 11:22 pm

Seems like Oak missed the point that it was satire….
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25. 25 TricycleNew Jan 12th, 2009 at 11:30 pm

casper patts: you need to check my stall in mbk next time you hit the big city. this was just one big pre advertisement for a new biz idea.
View all comments by Tricycle