LL, looking at the date that you joined, you were a bit late to have been mighty-chang-arized so pardon the cynicism. M-C was good at adopting some convincing IDs and some of the church choir did sing to his tunes. Hilarious at times until he made it too personal for some and was finally banned. Maybe. Somewhat explains why some newbies received the confrontational welcomes.

And I got to start a paragraph with an "and", BM.

thank you all for your time and the helpful adivce, i have been finding it hard to talk about my situation with anyone that understands, and finding this side have been really fortunte.

i am considering goin back for six month to see my girlfiend before the baby is born to be there and to go through the right procedure and get the right documents for the baby. i my girfriend wonts to stay at home with the family, but i think that could be hard for me to handle, i dont wont to have to take care of all of them while im there, im thinking of writing my intetions down and have it translated. i just wont to do my best for her and the baby and be treated an equal.

thanks again for all the advice, ideas and sugestions and support.
regards H

HD Marks, I believe members are being careful not to make insensitive or cynical remarks to a new member, but a few including myself may be thinking, - how well do you know your GF? How long have you known her? Where did you meet her etc?

You haven't given any of that sort of information, which of course you're not obliged to do, but it leaves a lot of background information missing. Thus members views and opinions will only be based on what you have told them.

Without knowing your situation and without re-assurance on that side of things, I would be concerned that you maybe being taken for a ride. It's not uncommon here, (or anywhere else, but particularly here) that a girl will get pregnant to snare her man. Farangs are valued in Thailand as a passport to a better and richer life!! I believe a previous poster did allude to whether you are you sure it is your baby. Those are questions that will occur to some more cynical members like myself. How well do you really know her and how long have you actually been with her? They are important aspects.

That said, and all other things being equal, I would agree with the general advice given by Trubrit and others. It would realistically be financially impractical to live here and support her, for someone as young as yourself, (though some may argue - not impossible). You then have to consider if you maintain your relationship from afar, bring her to the UK etc etc.

Yeah cough up some more info Hd...we need more background to sift through, it gives a better picture and we like details...and remember its only our opinions.

i my girfriend wonts to stay at home with the family, but i think that could be hard for me to handle

Also you need to know if she wants to stand on her own 2 feet.

HD wrote: my girfriend wonts to stay at home with the family, but i think that could be hard for me to handle

....And yes, you have something of a dilemna.

Many Thai ladies would be happy to have a farang baby (they think they look lovely and like the skin colour), and many would also be very happy to have the farang "boyfriend" living in his home country sending money to support them every month, while they get on with their lives, and maybe have other boyfriends over here.

Ok that's the cynical side again. You may well say, no, not in my case, but it does go on, in so small measure!

Yes good point... it very much goes on,also how much 'Thai' experiance have you had Hd..?

Polehawk,,,,, "LL, looking at the date that you joined, you were a bit late to have been mighty-chang-arized so pardon the cynicism."
555,,, I understand perfectly and my initial gut-reaction was not very Christian I assure you. But I sucked it in and tried to give the benefit of the doubt.
Others have since expressed their doubts to the OP in a very admirable way but I'm sure that many here see nothing but trouble ahead for the young man if he's on the up and up.,,,, sorry,,,,,,, I have to agree with them.

But the old romantic in me hopes for the best, IMHO we should never let that flame die out. Cheers, LL

HDmarks,

Nothing more to add other than when the time comes and the baby is born ensure that you are identified as the father of the newborn on the birth certificate. It's been reported on another forum that hospital staff neglected to add the farang father out of ignorance. In another case the mother of the birth mom volunteered to take care of the paper work and intentionally left the father's name out it. In either case things got squared away, but only after much wasted time, expense and the frustration of the whole ordeal.

Good luck...

I wondered how long it would be before the cyniscim came out.Surprised that it came from Arjay ,mainly though.The poster asked a question to which I replied to the best of my ability, as did other members. No doubt , like me, they too had other questions running through their minds.But he didn't ask for anything further, so I didn't volunteer them. I presume he has parents of his own to discuss the personal side of his relationship with. Why should anyone on here act the father figure and advise him, possibly through their own mistakes, of other factors to be careful of.He is 25. Not a child. He is able to vote,serve and die for his country. Give him that credit. All you may have achieved is to have sown doubts about his relationship in his mind. Which could possibly destroy, not only his happiness and his partners. But also the future life, of the, as yet unborn child.I am sure if he wants matrimonial advice he will ask for it.In the meantime may I suggest we do not burden him with the results of our own disasterous experiences, which in the main occured because we were foolish enough to pursue a partner , young enough to be our daughter. A factor which doesn't apply in the Op case.
As for the reincarnation of MC.So what if we have all been fooled There is a lot of good advise on here for others to read.

If the lad is so grown up and is seeking the advice of expats living here or members with more experience of theirs or others,I would suggest we give him a complete picture as we perceive it and let him make his ''grownup'' decisions.

Cynicism is not necessarrily a negative,but is conceived by some here as a negative point of view which I would agree with if not confined to the only view!lack of awareness can leave some in a state of blissful fantasy ,until the axe falls,then some are devastated.

The cultural differences between Thailand and Falangland are gigantic and IMO possibly 90%+ of the lads come here with their foreign assumptions as their main guide,only to find out they are not only phyically 180 degrees away from their country ,they are that far away from the Thai way of thinking also!

I think that we someone ,that is serious,is desperate enough to post to the World ,his relatioinship problems,he probably needs alot of help without being to selective.

I think it only fair that someone brought up the question as to Wether he is the Father of the child or not. Being 25 does not mean he has looked at this situation from every angle. Many Men have been blinded by love and or lust and not questioned the girl or the possibility of her having other boy friends just to find out further down the track they have been played for a sucker and the lady in question has two or three boy friends contributing to the welfare of the child. The fact that she would prefer a long distance relationship would have me thinking. Any way, best to have all the facts, Worts and all than look like an idiot later on. HDmarks, good luck what ever you do but take the advice already given and take it slow.

well i was 45 first time in t thailand, a mature young lad.................and sure could of used a little skeptical advice, and swift kick in the pants. though 1.5 yrs of ignorant bliss was really cool, that other 1.5 yr or 'how F'g stupid could you of been', sucked. though since so many failed relationships in the past, and not a complete idiot, had all necessary paperwork to protect investment, not heart.

from pre-nup, to registered lease at land office. then thru further WBU courses, managed to escape almost break even, and lived here free. couple positive factores helped that, weak baht when arriving, strong baht now.

OP needs to heed the skeptical aspect of our advice, and at 25, depending on his relationship history, a good hard look at every angle of any relationship is good advice, especially since a child and 20 future years of his life may be involved.

thinkg things thru, take it slow, and good luck. the big negative i see, is her lack of interest to be with you overseas. i see that as 'just a matter of time' ending to the relationship. long distance, rarely works. if not her decision, then double whammy, she needs to stand up to family and on her own 2 feet. or their will always be problems and interference in the future. same as anywhere. would you marry a gal at home who is controlled by family and friends. and if she loves you, home is where the heart is, as long as you are together. physically, in same house, or i give little chance of successful relationship.

good luck. more details would also help us, and you. a paternity test is a given, in new long distance relationship, just my opinion. sorry for the assumption.

Indeed I agree with the advice and concerns that LA has expressed, (assuming I intepreted them correctly

Also, I realise in my earlier posts I should have used the words: skeptical, cautious, careful, prudent and considered", as opposed to cynical.

There is a lot that goes in in this country that a young first time visitor (if that is hd's situation) may well not be aware of. Proceed with extreme care and caution, and fully research things must be the advice.

rick wrote:Thinking outside the box, one option which might make life easier, consider emigrating to Australia if you have the skills they need. Much closer to Thailand, easier to visit.

This is an interesting piece of advice given by rick - which you may just have missed in with everything else.
If you are going to change your life (& the addition of a child will certainly do that) then it is maybe time to think in terms of drastic action. Australia, like everywhere in the world, is suffering from the world's economic plight but will certainly be among one of the first countries to start to recover because of its mining potential.
I understand that parts of Northern Australia have a climate very like Thailand & has become the home to many Asians because of this.....

The unemployment rate is rising in Oz and Gov have effectively raised the bar for immigrants.

Really looking only for "skilled" workers - think doctors and specialised technicians - but you can get extra "credits" if you apply to live in regional (remote) Australia.

Iron or mining has been hammered - but may be the first to recover if China keeps building, but the Chinese are also buying shares in mining companies (some think to drive down ore prices).

The north of WA - the Pilbara (the far north is the Kimberly) is where the iron ore mines are - Port Hedland for example - it may be hot there, but it is bloody isolated and rents are sky high - make sure you have a good company and compay accommodation before you head north young man. Also, much mining work is fly-in, fly-out.