Hello. I am new to Thailand and need some help. I do not understand the thai customs very well. I am retiring here and before I arrived I got on the internet and meet a school teacher. When I arrived she and i hit it off very well. I ended up moving in with her.

Her background: From a very good family. All school teachers and retired military. With good jobs. Very high in the community. She is 48 years old. Has three children.. Not living with her. And very attractive for a woman of her age.

My problem is, we had a fight. It was my fault and I did not want to hear her side of the story. When i made up with her and moved back in I found she had put up a profile on the internet looking for anohter man. I confronted her and she said it was only for one day and she would delete it. But she did not delete it, just moved it so I could not see it. SHE THOUGHT. Now to complicate things she put up the profile at a friends house on her computer. And the friend is answering all of her e-mails for her. So I confrunter her ( the friend ). She said that she was told to answer all of the e-mails sent to her from rich men. She told me that she wanted a rich man. Also told me a lot of stories about her past. Which I think is out of caracter for her. She said she did not like it, but they were very close friends and was ordered to help her. Her friend told me as soon as i left she was going to find a rich man. Like her friend in Pattaya had.


I know i am the first man she has meet on the internet. I showed up and have treated her well. I pay the bills here, pay for the travel and we have a great time. I am a very honest man. I think she thinks, I was easy to get so she can find a farang any time she wants.

To complicate things her other fiend from Pattaya has found a very rich englishman. That is throwing money around like it grows on trees. I cannot compete with him and told her i thought it was crazy to spend money like he did.

Ok, I confronted her and told her I knew about the profile on the internet. She said her friend was jelious and she had no idea that the profile still existed. She said her friend had set her up with me and she did not know it. I know that to be true.

Now, she is showing real concern. She has had her sister come over and tell me over and over she is a good woman. But I sence a little deception here. I do not want to beleive she is only after money. But am very scared now.

I have been very consertive and have not spent alot of money on her. Actually she spend money on me once in a while. I do not give here any pocket money. Because she works and makes a good salery.

She swears to me she is honest and true. And will wait for me. I am returning to the states to wind up some business there.

I am really confused now.I do not know who to trust. I do not know who to beleive her friend or believe her. What a mess.

Do thai people lie at every turn. Can her best friend be so jelious she is telling me this to be mean. Do I run and not look back. Or stick it out and see what happens. I do not want to get too emotionally attached.

What a mess,,,,,,,, Any help about thai people and there close frineds, and jelously with thai people. I really do not know what to do.

Thanks,,

Hi Gary,
I've sent you a message.
Cheers

Seems to be an awfull lot of "schoolteachers" looking for love.
48 Years old and 3 kids ???
WHY ?? Would you bother ?
Ya can get a "Housekeeper" for B3500-B4000 a month.
"Sweety" keeps "house" real good for me here in Sillypore.
Re: Do they lie at every turn? Yeh, it's a "SCORPION" Thing.
Forget about the Net, come to Udon ALONE.
You won't be lonely. The Badger

Gary,I empathize with your situation,but it is very difficult for any of us to tell you whether she is lieing or not!

The most important thing in a relationship is trust!Unfortunately yours has been threatened to say the least!

If it were me,I would have a heart to heart conversation about the trust issue and the present situation,setting down the boundaries necessary to regain the trust and to maintain it!

Our cultures and education are so different and we emphasize the importance more in some areas than others individually!

To begin with,no one can fall in love on the internet!!Secondly,The Thai woman is not motivated by ''falling in love''!Security with a ''good man'' is their primary interest with time binding their love for us!Third,They are easily swayed by competing conversations about who has the best ''security situation'',which is a combination of ''riches'' and compatibility,in the early stages of the relationship(first year).What happens during the ''early stages''is we make many cultural foul paws(raising our voice in anger,they way we dress,the way we act out in public,our personal hygiene,how you ''fight'' and many other ''face'' issues etc.) which creates doubts in their minds about how ''good'' we really are!

Her age, occupation and community standing leads me to think that her reaction was your relationship was ending because of your ''fight'' and she was moving on in an area where she had a little experience combined with the urging of her friend that she probably confided in!Remember,until she feels fairly secure about your feelings towards her,her love will not grow for you(they really really do not think like Westerners about ''falling in love''!)

Unlike my feelings about most relationships issues that are posted or talked about here,I think you would be foolish to give up to easily in this case!!But communication about boundaries and truth expectations should be the priority!

You have already stated that you have not put yourself in big financial jeopardy,so you have a good opportunity to make this work,if you really want it!

Many guys will say ''there are to many fish in the sea'', to move on!But ,I say most of the ''fish'' are not keepers and when you have one that might be,take your time and work on it!

Good Luck and you may PM me if you like.Dear Abby is retired!

Hey Badger
Thanks for the advice. I do not understand the house keeper for B3500...

Gary, as I said come here Alone,
Have you Lived in Thailand before??? It's not for everyone.
IMHO There are better places to retire in SEA. Malaysia for one.
But IF !!! you still want to come to Udon rent a small house for 6 months to see if Thailand is really what you want. Then if the housework gets to much for you you can let it be known you are looking for a "housekeeper"
Plenty of (Young) local gals willing to keep house for Falang. Beats working factory or shop for B3500-B4000 a month.
Don't take too long before she be taking care of all the "Chores"
Chok Dee.
The Badger.
PS ;Be wary of getting involved with a gal with "retired military' in her family.

Badger
I am kinda slow some times.... got it....
I was here for a month last year. This time for 3 months. I am applying for my retirement visa here. I am keeping a low profile until i know this is where i want to plant my feet. I am happy so far. But I think a year at least will tell me wheather I want to live here perminatly.
Thanks buddy

Why don't you get an email address and reply to the add she posted then you can see if she is still fishing.
Badger if you've ever wondered why these girls are after all they can get then look in the mirror.

gary I have posted some rules for farlongs to follow on previous post I will post them again for you
1= if you can not wear it does not fit in your suitcase you don't own it
2 never give them more than you can afford to lose because you will lose what you give them
3= if you buy them expensive gift like a house or a car finance it for the long term this way if they screw up you walk away & then have to pay for it or lose it
4= if they lie once they will lie every time to you
Gary the only thing in my opinion Thailand has is the girls take them out of the equasion and thailand has nothing to offer you the immigration laws suck the thai baht is over inflatted
and they refuse to learn English here and furlang pay more for every thing they buy
now with that said it your choice if it were me I would look in another S/E asian country
for my retirement or stay state side now you ask my why am I here I married a thai girl and as soon as I can get her a visa to USA I am out of here by the way I told my wife if you lie to me we are finished no B/S I went down that road with my former G/F I will not make the same mistakes again

aznyron wrote:gary I have posted some rules for farlongs to follow on previous post I will post them again for you
1= if you can not wear it does not fit in your suitcase you don't own it
2 never give them more than you can afford to lose because you will lose what you give them
3= if you buy them expensive gift like a house or a car finance it for the long term this way if they screw up you walk away & then have to pay for it or lose it
4= if they lie once they will lie every time to you
Gary the only thing in my opinion Thailand has is the girls take them out of the equasion and thailand has nothing to offer you the immigration laws suck the thai baht is over inflatted
and they refuse to learn English here and furlang pay more for every thing they buy
now with that said it your choice if it were me I would look in another S/E asian country
for my retirement or stay state side now you ask my why am I here I married a thai girl and as soon as I can get her a visa to USA I am out of here by the way I told my wife if you lie to me we are finished no B/S I went down that road with my former G/F I will not make the same mistakes again

In general,I agree with these rules,especially when dealing with girls that have been involved with falangs before!I think they are good markers for protection of your assets,but #4 in just to general to apply to all cases if your are going to have a equal relationship with a Thai.

The culture is based on face and not talking straight,therefore it is like teaching children that lieing is not acceptable for building a sincere relationship,especially a relationship where the initial motive is security!You don't end your relationship with children because they lie,you set up good communication and training to end the lieing!It takes time and effort!
Most of us don't come here understanding the extraordinary challenges that present themselves in a cross cultural relationship,consequently,we don't see our part in the problems that arise combined with the inability of our Thai mate to tell us truthfully and straightforwardly because of ''face'' and fear related to security!In fact they are lieing when they say everything is alright

Think about it,if you are involved in a security based situation,you are always keeping or looking for other options if you have any doubts about the future in your current situation such as employment etc.

Well stated Aunty Abbie. One of the most intelligent responses I have read on this site.


Aggghhhh...back again. Was chopping some little fresh from the garden chilli's for the wife and rubbed my eye without washing my hands. After several burnt eyes one should learn.

Totally agree from my own experiences about the insecurity thai women experience early in relationships. Stan has pretty well nailed it on the head as to their reactions when you rock their boats even a little early on.

Incidentially I met my wife on the internet (agree not for falling in love but a great place to make contacts), she is from a family of teachers with military contections, has 2 children and at 41 is only 10 years younger than I, and having worked through pretty well as Stan describes it have come out the other side with a wife that I only ever thought I would dream about.
I'd strongly advise using the wisdom that Stan has put up for you. I think he understands thai women very well.

roadman you want to start off a relationship with insecure women not me for one they will get every thing they can get from you today because they fear tomorrow they will be history
it not about weather you meet your wife in a bar or on the internet or in a shop
it about honesty & loyalty example if i am in a dispute with a thia and she sides with the thai
adios amigo i don't need or want you in my life even if I am wrong
it also about understanding like when she want some thing and the bills are high and she has to wait
and she is sympathetic to your situation then that good if not you don't need her in your life
and if always about me me me me time to run not walk but run away I know in my marriage I am always thinking about her when the time comes to go through the viel of life I want to leave her with enough to live without depending on her family or selling her azz in a bar or some street corner to survive I am getting off topic amen

Aznyron,
I am not considering women who act totally insecure, but rather in this example perhaps the actions of an average thai woman.
And as the poster pointed out he had a settled relationship of some time with her where she has not made any demands that suggest she is out to get everything she can.
All people feel a little insecure or negative at times in their lives whether in relationships, work, major purchases, social surroundings, whatever, but a lot do not cut and run at the first nervous inpulse.
Thai women do not have the luxury of state handouts when life goes bad and have a history of being little more than chattels so one can understand that the likihood of insecurity and rash decision making is greater than most.

Incidentially I note a girlfriend's imput was also mentioned. My wife has given up three girlfriends since we met. Thai girl friends motives are not always what I would describe as being friendly. Especially when they are happily spilling their so called friends past history.
One of my wifes true friends and still that to this day gave some very good advice to me the very first day I met them (the normal thai girl posse on the first date) - anything you want to know about your thai girl then ask her and not everyone else.

Choice words Roadman...

I want to thank everyone for the advice. This is a great site with years of experience dealing with the Thai people. What i have learned here the last few days is worth it weigh in gold to me. I hope to meet some of you soon. I will be living here for at least a year. I want to make sure it is for me. So far i love it though. I am going home for some business and will be back as soon as i settle my TAXES... ouch.
For some reason my uncle is getting greedy...... Uncle Sam..

Thanks again, Gary