WOW!Here is a good one!A friend of mine in Bangkok has been married for 13 years to a gorgeous Thai women he met in a gogo bar when she was 20 years old!

She had a daughter from a Thai village husband that she was coerced to marry by her family!He was a violent jealous drinker and very abusive.She took her baby and ran away to BK to stay with a village friend that was living and working there!

They have 2 more daughters in their marriage and she has been a dutiful wife all this time!I was their neighbor for 3 1/2 years and I believe she was everything that he says!

She had been working as a prositute/dancer for 2 1/2 months after working as a server in the same club for 4 months when he met her.He was early 60's,as he is 75 now,so there is over 40 years age difference!

She said that she was a virgin before being with her daughters father,but she was in love with another boy from her village and has never been in love with any other man since!

She has always been honest with her husband,telling him that she was with him because he was nice,generous,a good father and she believed that he loved her and that she would never do anything that was disrespectful of him!

after we moved to NK,3 young falang teachers moved into our old residence and became their neighbors.This was 4 1/2 years ago.For the last 6 months she has been taking English lessons from 1 of the guys and has become strongly attracted to him!

It has gotten so bad,that she told my friend that she thinks about him all the time and feels real horny! She says it has gotten so bad that she can hardly sleep!

The problem is my friend and her have not had sex for over 2 years as he had prostrate surgery and other physical problems combined with his advanced age!

They had talked about it in the past and it was not a problem.She actually stated that she had never really enjoyed sex with anyone before,but enjoyed pleasing him because she loved him!

Now,she thinks about having sex with her teacher/neighbor,but would never do it w/o his permission!One of the driving forces ,according to her,
is that she has never had sex with a man she had strong feelings for and she used to think about the boy she loved from the village when she was young!

He called me to talk about it and wanted my opinion on the subject!He says he loves her more than life itself and wants her to be happy!He is considering allowing it to happen!

I was flabbergasted and at the same time,secretly thinking to myself shamefully that I wished I could be her lover as she is by far the prettiest and one of the nicest wiives of a falang ,I have ever met!

Anyway,I told him that I didn't want to get in the middle of this one because I would feel real bad if he was to follow my advice and the marriage suffered.

I really liked them both and the truth is I might like her the most because of her pleasantness and beauty!My wife told me that she was always jealous of her,but never saw any real reason to be other than the fact that she was so attractive!

My thoughts and feelings are that he should not give his permission in this case because of several reasons:

This is not just sex on her part.This guy is only 25,8 years younger than her and what are his real intentions towards her!They are next door neighbors!Whatever the outcome,I can't imagine it being good for him or the kids!

He is not doing to good physically and could pass away within a few years!He could ask her to wait until then!The woman I knew could honor that,but I don't know what she can do now with these strong feelings!And how do they keep living next door to each other?He owns his unit and the teachers are renters!

There was a time that I envied him,now,I would hate to be in his shoes!!!

What do you guys think about this subject ,seriously!I don't see it as a joking matter!

In a general sense I would say that she should go ahead and have sex if her husband consents.

But in this case there are a few danger signals:

1. She has an emotional attachment to the young falang - this will likely not be just a "bonk" - I think jealousy will creep in
2. They are neighbours - if this thing goes belly-up it will be hard to walk away from
3. It seems there are very few secrets in LOS - it will only be a matter of time till all the neighbours know and somebody will lose face

If the issue is allowing his wife to experience sexual satisfaction (because he cannot because of medical condition), then I think it best that the couple go to some neutral place and make arrangements (with a stranger so to speak). I would also consider whether the husband should be present during the act.

"Sex" is normal - everbody does it. Ifidelity is harmfull because it involves lies.

Arranging for the wife to be "satisfied" seems reasonable - so long as the rules are very clear, and all precautions are taken to protect the family (kids).

I am surprsed though that the Thai wife would consider this - my undertsanding is that Thai wifes would NEVER consider sex outside of marriage - perhaps I am naive?

I don't know about your last statement because I have known a few Thai wifes that messed around!

But I tend to agree with everything else you have said!

Relationship triangles can be really dangerous things. Steveway2 has gently pointed out a few reasons why this can turn into a total train wreck. These
thing happen in life due to bad decisions but to make force it upon yourself?

I myself got involved in a complete smack-down at my apartment last Weds
nite after 1am when my thai friendgirl's ex thai BF showed-up reeking of
alcohol and probably high on amphetamines as well. Pounding and kicking on
my door which I of course then went and opened to be met by wildly swinging
fists. I'm 5'9" and 170lbs. This guy was 2-3 inches taller than me but maybe the
same weight and 20 years my junior. A wrestling match ensued with me slowly
dragging him over to the floors stairwell. He then caught me with a quick elbow
to the face and I lost it. I threw us both down a flight of stairs maybe a 12ft drop
and landed on top of him. knocked the wind out of him and didn't do me a lot of
good either. When he started coming around he immediately began ranting and raving and I put him in a choke/submission hold and again took him to the point
of unconciousness. By this point in time the receptionist and other thais were telling
me not to hurt him and they would escort him outside, which they did. All the while
though he is of course making death threats to me. I've since heard he's ended-up
in the monkey house because he failed a urine test AND has other outstanding
charges waiting for him. Fu_k me right? I've done some stupid sh_t in my day and
apparently there is no danger of me stopping anytime soon. Licking my wounds and vowing not to get in another one of these stupid situations again. And Yes, this
happened in Pattaya. Another reason to leave. Well, I hope you guys get a good
chuckle out of that story. I guess fate was on my side this guy didn't show-up with
three of his friends and maybe sober. I'll take all the advantages that given me.

Though it doesn't address my friends dilemna,it is a good possibility that jealousy and some type of craziness could enter the picture!

As for your situation,a move or seperation seem the only ''Expat in Thailand alternative''!Hopefully,if you move,your GF will not have further contact with him!

You are very fortunate to come out of this situation without some real problems!Injuring a Thai,drawing blood can be a way of getting a permanent expelling from Thailand!At the very least,right or wrong,you could have found yourself in a big payola situation between police and the BF!

It is still a possible very dangerous situation for you as a loss of face is involved and if he has a local family or group of friends,you may be facing some dire circumstances.I would not depend on the police for any protection either!I hope you have a good GF!

BKKSTAN - like I said "I might be naive" and take your advice.

It seems my idea of the "faithful thai gf" has taken a bit of a battering in recent posts and that sex outside of marriage is OK? Sounds like they are worse than the men.

I am a novice an d have not lived in LOS.

steveway2 wrote:BKKSTAN - like I said "I might be naive" and take your advice.

It seems my idea of the "faithful thai gf" has taken a bit of a battering in recent posts and that sex outside of marriage is OK? Sounds like they are worse than the men.

I am a novice an d have not lived in LOS.

Well, IMO,the men,both falang and Thai,are far more promiscuis than the wives,but many Thai women cheat on their expat husbands,although those that tend to be married for awhile seem mostly faithful.

The majority of the women,that marry falangs, are marrying for security and they are risking that if they play around!

I think it is the consensus that in Thai/Thai marriages ,the wives are mostly faithful!That might be what you are referencing your understanding towards!

That is a tought one.

I agree, stay away from giving any advise there.

I too would hate to be in his shoes.

i agree with Steve on this one, your friends wife is 33, a woman reaches her sexual peak , so to speak at about 35 to 40, so i think her cravings will only get worse, and in my view its not fair to deprive her of a very natural urge. however is the infatuation with the neighbour because of her sexual craving or something deeper. to allow an affair with the neighbour in my view would get very messy and is basically committing emotional suicide. you should never s~it on your own doorstep. use a stranger and see what her feeling towards this neighbour are after. if they do not subside Ive a feeling that your friend will be up s~it creek without a paddle.

Its difficulty.
I my case, if it was me that couldnt have sex with my GF/wife because of illness. I would probably let her have a lover if it could save the marriage. But I am not sure because I would probably be jealous like Hell. And yes BKKSTAN even a drunken Dane can have feelings and become jealous
Normally I hate when people are unfaithful, I myself would never be that to my wife. But again in this case, its about a old man that cant have sex with his young and beautiful wife due to his illness and medicine. Its very difficulty to say what he should do or not. So I wouldnt give any advice, because like BKKStan says. If there marriage break up due to his advice, all hell will break lose.

jealousy is a curse and possibly one of the most destructive of human emotions. I rememeber the gist of an old poem that goes something like:

Love, like hot and cold,
goes and comes
Jealousy, when it comes
sticks in the marrow bones

(does not rhyme because it is a translation)

The falang neighbour is the green eyed god of jealousy personified.

If it is necessary, then do the act with a stranger, and monitor the wifes response.

Probably all dangerous territory for those with sensitive dispositions.

Stan,
I'm sure your 75 year old friend is thinking about this with the best of intentions as he,obviously,loves his wife but he's got to think about the long term implications for his marriage.
He loves his wife so if this relationship with the young farang continues then surely your friend is going to feel resentment,jealousy,humiliation etc ??
Also like saint says "you dont **** on your own doorstep."If she feels the craving for sex so much then shes better in a discreet fling where shes not known and your friend is unaware of it......another saying "what you dont know cant hurt you."
I think if he allows her to have sex with the farang teacher then the marriage is doomed.
It is a difficult one,true,and I have every sympathy for your friend.........just my opinion.

Zidane

I read all the reply but one thing is missing you can have a good sexual relationship even if you can not get it up any more there are many things you can do such as oral bring in toys if you can not find them make them there are many you can use such as cucumber to replace your limp willy wacker
bringing in another man is not answer another fact is you can get medical help to solve this problem
maybe thailand does not have all things needed but they have prosthetic devices to help also you might have to make a trip to Singapore to get them but it better than watching some dude pound away on the wife not to go down memory lane I had a small problem with my willy wacker I got it up but it hurt when i did it so i check out google and they gave me the answer get circumcised
so I did my sex life is better than ever need I say any more I may not be book smart but street smart I have a PHD

good point aznyron - I'm off to the green grocer

You chaps are old enough to know that this is a no-brainer. He should absolutely NOT allow or advise his wife to have sex with another man.

Let's list a few obvious reasons it is a bad idea:
culturally and morally adultery is wrong and those involved will have regrets,
she could get AIDS or some STD,
at 33 she could get pregnant,
reputations could be ruined,
if it's ok to have one lover why not have a few more,
what does the husband do should he change his mind.
and on and on.

These situations never turn out to be as simple as people first think.