Since the original posting questioned the Thai mans involvement with a Mia Noi I thought I would ask a good friend who I know has one. You may find his replies to my question revealing.I first asked . Did you take a Mia Noi because you were having problems with your first wife?His reply was an adamant , No way, do you think if I was having problems with one, do you think I would be stupid enough to take a second?I then asked. Why did you take a Mia Noi then?His reply amazed me. He said he was having so much fun with his wife he thought he would take another, to double the pleasure so to speak.
So my summary. Mia Nois are seen as double the fun certainly not as an escape from a miserable situation.
This may account for the ready acceptance of the situation by the Mia Luang. Shes having fun too.

Val you you are so darn boring good wisdom as usual. I think I would to agree hell got enough problems right now LOL.

Were three years into this so it not a sink or swim, I have taken a very slow approach.

Kind of remind me about the joke the guys drives along the jackass balks, he gets down the first time sweet talks it they go a little further. It balks the second time, he hits in the head the third time he gets down and shoots it in the head. His wife yells why did you do that! His reponse thats one!

The massage was great but it was done in the home with the wife there LOL. But she made the mistake of upping the price a 100 baht so that won't be happening again.

Driving was done by a professional instructor for sixty hours, I let her drive when we go out. I don't expect her to hit downtown with it. I don't even like doing that. Ring road to lotus easy stuff is why I expect. Like another she wants me to be her driver, after three years I'm worn out wiht that. It's fun she will drive it around the village I think to show it off. The car is 14 months old and has 7K on it. Should last forever at that rate.

Your right ther for a very long time I thought I was the only person she could say no to, but she learned it was easier to say no to them to try to answer my questions of why she didn't.

She was in english school decided there was just to much homework and stopped going.

Now the truth is I know I can make her do these things, but what kind of a marriage is that. She will fight every step of the way and yes she will lose but that is not my idea of sharing a life. So I am stumped and not happy in those aspects that I have talked about, But I also realize her good qaulities.

Darn when is riding season coming

This started out a question based on frustration and is turning into a rant sorry about that guys

Got to tell you about the funny part of the mesage, been giggling to myself ever since. The girl had worked Pattaya and she had that sexy bar girl thing going on. Got my attention, muzt have got the wifes to he wa making all kinds of arrangments to get the old lady back who was giving the massages befoer. That I can't complain about that lady is very good at working the ressure points, which i waht I really need. Althouhg the one today was much more fun. Told the wife the messages are something I need and I will have three a week. So she scheduled he older lady and i told her if the older lady couldn't come, I was gettting the little fox back. Oh no I will do the massages.

The otehr thing that happened to today i we went to Nong Ki to pick some bacon from a lady down there that is or was married to an American and he taught her how to smoke bacon, good stuuf. Anyway when we tried to call he phone had been disconnected. When we got there she as trying to sell her house before the bank took it.

We were sitting at dinner tonight and she said why ladies huband not help her and I reponded maybe she didn't take care of her husband and now whe loses everything. You could have heard a pin drop.

You know it finally hit me she ha many friends who do infact treat thier husbands very poorly and the guy just keeps coming back for more. Maybe just maybe she think we are all that way.

As was pointed out the rumor mill is huge, we have very little idea what the converations are about and probably the information is just a acccurate as I give the wife 60k a month to play with.

I kow I had one other I would say serious relationship here had been allowed to develop. Now that wa exactly what happened there, It was at BB resort. Lots of farrangs wive who at that time ttold there husbands when they could breath and when they could not the guy followed direction well. So the trained this lady for me, very kind of them. So eveytime I tuned around here I was answering to a qausi drill Sgt. When I finally had enough wnent in started packing my back pack. Oh going or another Motorcylce ride very snidely, weh yuo coming back Answer I'm not and i didn't until she moved out, no way could she pay the rent. you know it was amazing not one of those wonderful women would pay it for her.

I was really trying to figure out this change of attitude on her part, frankly I thought it was buying the house, figuring she had arrived and could just kick back now. But then the notice that the village is discussing my financail arrangements. Maybe just Maybe there is much more discussion going on then just that.

This has really came to a head in the last few months. When I can I think a bit of seperation is due, you know a really good solo bike ride with not to much communication. to be honest I don't think this is coming from the forum wives she just doesn't have that much contact with them. I think it is from some of the village sweeeties, who know absolutley nothing about farrangs. With what these ladies talk of us we are not from a foriegn country we are from a different planet. But you know what I may be very wrong

The massage may help to get the point across. You could always say you think you'll go to her (the masseurs) place for the next one!!!

My GF is still very affectionate, but very insecure. If I want to go out on my own, it's automatically to look for ladies. I can't get across to her that sometimes we need our own space, or to go off and speak English/gossip with other farangs, or even occasionally I do like to chat to other Thais, maybe in Thai. I recently spent over an hour chatting to Timone, whom I met in a bar, and was sharing experiences with him, but she of course suspected I was up to more mischievous things.

I also have to be careful what I say to her. If I think out loud, bounce an idea off her, or speculate about doing something, (which I often do), she later brings it up suggesting I lied, because I didn't do what I'd talked of. The local gossip then gets thrown into the pot for good measure.

The pictures you are painting are a little difficult for me to relate to IN SOME WAYS my g/f is bossy for sure but I thought that came from being a teacher. she drives , saves money ,is not scared to meet anyone I dont think , she took me to first Thai massage session and is frustrated that Im not trying to hard to learn Thai and in general she is pretty competant ,in fact over competant in some things. but some of what you say is there, she will not drive anywhere outside udon and does nt want me to as its dangerous , she will get on a plane and fly anywhere but not eat the food when she gets there. If I drive over 20 k an hour then She shouts as if im on a suicide mission. She is educated to masters degree leval but sometimes she makes me wonder . which is what Im saying really that even education does not solve a lot of what I guess must be inbred in them . Oh yes she hates it when I haggle over money or the price of something . When we go shopping for something I want to know the ins and out of what Im buying ,she just wants me to buy it , not because she wants it but because she does not like the questions I want her to ask . I recently bought a new music keyboard and soundcard for computer , when I got it home it did not do what I thought it would do so I was on way back to shop to change it , IaLL i GOT WAS DONT BOTHER they will not change it , WHEN THEY DID I actuely think she was lived with them for making her wrong. However at the end of the day she has a fairly reasonably sense of humour and can laugh at herself, something she is made to do quite often .
Going to the grill was caused by her being starving hungry when we where last in bangkok air terminal , I had a hamburger ,she would not look at one however in the end she had a bite of mine which it turn led to me buying her one . when I suggested the grill it was as usual oh no no sir , however I just started onm the airport and how she could not get enough , in good humour , I made her laugh untill she was nearly crying at herself . which is how I deal with lots of things . I find that if she laughs at something then sahe also starts to think about it. But I have to say at times I am quite unmercy full at taking the .... once you start you have to make them laugh or they do think they are loosing face. She losses face but usually with a giggle and never mind , come I ;ll teach you type approach from me .

Oh yes she hates it when I haggle over money or the price of something . When we go shopping for something I want to know the ins and out of what Im buying ,she just wants me to buy it , not because she wants it but because she does not like the questions I want her to ask . I recently bought a new music keyboard and soundcard for computer , when I got it home it did not do what I thought it would do so I was on way back to shop to change it , IaLL i GOT WAS DONT BOTHER they will not change it , WHEN THEY DID I actuely think she was lived with them

That's interesting you've had those experiences and your GF is well educated. I had similar experiences with a previous educated GF. I also like to know the ins and outs of anything I am buying, and she hated me asking questions. She would say, if Thai people want something they just go and buy it, not spend time asking questions about it. I guess they lose face or get embarrassed if many questions are asked.

She did on occasions walk out of the shop and leave me to it. Though I think that was also due to the fact she was jai rahn.

I used to explain to her about customer service and was never afraid to challenge something, which again initially she didn't like, but subsequently she started to understand and agree with me and sometimes would even challenge something that involved poor service.

My current GF is much less educated and if the shop/sales assistants start to explain things to her, to answer questions I have posed, she quickly asks them if they can speak English, in order to try and step out of "being caught in the middle", or people perhaps realising that she doesn't understand or can't convey their explanation to me.

arjay wrote:

Oh yes she hates it when I haggle over money or the price of something . When we go shopping for something I want to know the ins and out of what Im buying ,she just wants me to buy it , not because she wants it but because she does not like the questions I want her to ask . I recently bought a new music keyboard and soundcard for computer , when I got it home it did not do what I thought it would do so I was on way back to shop to change it , IaLL i GOT WAS DONT BOTHER they will not change it , WHEN THEY DID I actuely think she was lived with them

That's interesting you've had those experiences and your GF is well educated. I had similar experiences with a previous educated GF. I also like to know the ins and outs of anything I am buying, and she hated me asking questions. She would say, if Thai people want something they just go and buy it, not spend time asking questions about it. I guess they lose face or get embarrassed if many questions are asked.

She did on occasions walk out of the shop and leave me to it. Though I think that was also due to the fact she was jai rahn.

I used to explain to her about customer service and was never afraid to challenge something, which again initially she didn't like, but subsequently she started to understand and agree with me and sometimes would even challenge something that involved poor service.

My current GF is much less educated and if the shop/sales assistants start to explain things to her, to answer questions I have posed, she quickly asks them if they can speak English, in order to try and step out of "being caught in the middle", or people perhaps realising that she doesn't understand or can't convey their explanation to me.

good points there aj + arjay, regarding the poor service and buying goods, even when the goods were faulty i wanted to take them back but she was always to say mai bpen lai we never go there again, but now back in uk she will be the first to say something and ask me if we kept the receipt ! this has also worked well when we travel back to Thailand and experiance poor service/goods and its definatly the fact that she has learnt from me and also maybe they are not losing face here in the uk.
also the thing with the burgers, with me it was indian food it was always "men-men" but now eats it every week.
and a bit of humour seems to work a lot.
so back to mia-noi's

For every minor wife...guess what! Yes there

nearly all my ladies have been weell educated , please dont take that as a brag its just a fact, the one thing I have learned about my Thai lady is that often in her understandig nof something I expect far to much of her becuase she has masters degree, Thankfully this forum has put me right about that when iit says education in Thailand .not same as rest of world . The troublewith me is that she does loose face quite often as I wont let it go by because if you do then they never learn . So far it works as she takes the sort of mickey take joke ok and does learn from it , I can now positivelly hear her brain ticking on occasions , and thats the otherr point I would make being that I think very few even educated thai ladies reach tere full potential . We have reached the stage now where she will say " ohj ok you just do it and she will get back ?nope You are goign to have to ubnderstand why Im doing it. It does not help of course that her concentration levals are five seconds in every hour .. ???? And yes she will walk away from me in shops , that I understand becuase she is piggy in the middle , she watches from a distance as I try and explain my self , then we both end up laughing and se will come a little nearer. But very often its the fact that she does?nt understand what I wnat so she sort of thinks she is doing a bad job . God it all gets complicated.

Yes, life's little challenges eh, aj!

I guess the important thing is that we don't take it too seriously, get too uptight, or hung up and can laugh about it afterwards. It's a sort of mutual learning and devleopment thing!

I have on occasions started to get uptight about something, then thought better of it, (jai yen) so backed off and waited and it all resolved itself quite well, in the end.

Well here it is guys I would never get involved with a Mia Noi, why I'm too simple I would have hard time finding my home

I needed to rant a bit thanks for putting up with it, she ain't perfect and niether am I. But I am staying rigth here.

Laughter seems to do it for us I have to say , in the begining I was I little to much in with YOu can pacik that in for a start type approach ,mainly because the things she did do always took me by surprise, now days I find humour the answer ,she seems far more able to take a little constructive critism if its said withj a smile and a kiss . probably not much different to us if we are honest. She is also changing her approach over things as well , she used to say you not cleaned your teeth go clean , now she says darling your breath smell of garlic. we live and learn. I do think education has a lot to do with it but its certainly not the game set and match . Which brings me to a question to Val if you please . YOu have been with your lady for quite a WHILE NOW, I wonder if you try to re educate or you just enjoy her for what she is ? I read your peicce on the age difference between you qand found your plans very admirable .. But surely there are things you want her to know and learn . Or maybe she just wants to learn and does so . iM NOT BEING NOSEY , I DO WONDER .. i THINK A LOT OF MY APPROACH IS DONT FIND FAULT JUST ENJOY AND THINK YOURSELF LUCKY .
On the other hand Im not that far away from being where you are and although my g/f will be well looked after I would still like her to learn more about making money work for you ect. and I guess beingmore assertive in some of her ways especially in shops ..

aj wrote:Laughter seems to do it for us I have to say , in the begining I was I little to much in with YOu can pacik that in for a start type approach ,mainly because the things she did do always took me by surprise, now days I find humour the answer ,she seems far more able to take a little constructive critism if its said withj a smile and a kiss . probably not much different to us if we are honest. She is also changing her approach over things as well , she used to say you not cleaned your teeth go clean , now she says darling your breath smell of garlic. we live and learn. I do think education has a lot to do with it but its certainly not the game set and match . Which brings me to a question to Val if you please . YOu have been with your lady for quite a WHILE NOW, I wonder if you try to re educate or you just enjoy her for what she is ? I read your peicce on the age difference between you qand found your plans very admirable .. But surely there are things you want her to know and learn . Or maybe she just wants to learn and does so . iM NOT BEING NOSEY , I DO WONDER .. i THINK A LOT OF MY APPROACH IS DONT FIND FAULT JUST ENJOY AND THINK YOURSELF LUCKY .
On the other hand Im not that far away from being where you are and although my g/f will be well looked after I would still like her to learn more about making money work for you ect. and I guess beingmore assertive in some of her ways especially in shops ..

Hi Aj
Sorry I not reply sooner, been having one of my breaks from domesticity Reeducate? looking back, I've taught her better English, how to cook and enjoy European food, but in the main I suppose she has educated me more than I her.She has taught me how to appreciate and laugh at the eccentricities that are part of being Thai.How to think like Thai, so much so that nearly all my close friends are Thai and I feel accepted into the circle far more easily than I do with "farangs"She has a natural inquisitive nature that means she is always on a learning curve.It is very rare for me find fault, not because SHE is perfect but because I realise I am not.She has an assertiveness that never entails more than a smile but seems to achieve its purpose. As those members have met her invariably say"She is a charming girl", and I suppose "charming girls get their way more frequently than assertive ones.Your certainly correct, I too,just sit back and count my blessings.Long may they last for both of us and everyone else on this forum that shares our good luck.