Hi to you all from a Newbie.
I have gained much good info & advice from this site over thhe past few weeks, thanks.
I'll give you a little background so you will see where I'm coming from. I'll welcome all comments, advice & can even stand critisism. Naturally I have a BIG sense of humour.
I'm in my mid50's, divorced for 10 years. Had several Aussie girlfriends with no real success. I'd love a longterm relationship or marriage.
Recently visited Thailand for the first time purely for a good time. Thinking that I was the worldly traveller I would resist all temptation. No such luck, fell for a YOUNG bar girl early into the vacation & spent the rest of the time with her. Big mistake. Bought her gifts, gave her money, all the usual stupid things. A week or two back home & I realised that I was being a silly old fart & broke off all communication.
Was still interested in meeting a NICE Thai lady. Paid a minimul amount to an online agency & gained access to lots of ladies wishing to correspond with foreign guys. May be this was a mistake but I thought somewhere to start.
I'm now corresponding with 2 ladies. Both in late 30's. Both live in rural areas & own home & property. Neither speak english well. Neither have internet access & have to go to relatives homes to communicate with me. One can understand my messages & can slowly reply via MSN chat. The other has my mail translated via her uncle, a local school teacher.
Neither has asked for anything & neither necessarily wish to leave Thailand. Both have indicated they would prefer to remain in their current surrounds even if a longterm relationship was to eventuate. Naturally there had to be some reason to communicate in the first place so longterm relationship has been spoken of early in the e-mails.
I intend visiting Thailand early next year to meet one of them. Might sound a bit shallow but I feel I will have sorted out which one I THINK I'll want to meet over the next 6 months. Hopefully will be able to visit Thailand for a second time again next year to follow up.
I realise photos can be fake but both appear genuine girls. Basic dress, basic home & surrounds & no jewellery. Neither smoke or have mobile phone.
I need to remain in Australia for the next few years but would have no trouble retiring in rural Thailand with the RIGHT lady. I don't necessarily wish to wait that long before being permanently with the special one.
So... what do you all think ? Don't try & spare my feelings... tell me what you really think.
Thanks to you all.

Welcome to the forum Mal. You will get lots of good advice on this forum nothing beats experience.

Being that you were smitten by a BG even though you thought you understood the scene,combined with a STRONG desire to have a relationship might make it very difficult to be patient when in the presence of the young ladies!But congrats for regrouping!I would continue to communicate with the girls,be honest and not except jealousy as anything acceptable for a mature relationship.

I would visit both girls and get to know them both in person before making a decision.Talking is one thing,sharing space another.Their desire and effort to study English seriously would have alot to do with my choice because communication is the most difficult barrier to a sincere long term relationship!

I would be clear and redundant, in my internet communications,about my expections for the relationship,with honesty at the top of the list!I would make it clear that trust supported by truth at all levels is the Glue to a successful relationship!I would encourage them to communicate their expectations and desires!Up 2 U might please someone that thinks they want a service partner,but it will only be a setup for future problems as it is not always the expression of their honest feelings!

You should always be aware that love is not part of your initial relationship.The relationship will be because security and good companionship are the motivators!She is hoping that you are a good honest man that she will like and grow to love!She knows she is taking on extra emotional ''baggage and stigma''by being involved with a non-Thai man!

Hopefully she will have a supportive family and not just a money drain.Family is very important in your relationship to a Thai,so you should come to understand all you can about her family ,their real motives and desires(look ''way past'' the warm smiles)!Get her to talk about her ideas about how the family will be involved in your relationship!Remember this is Thailand and their customs and cultures WILL NOT match yours!Therefore,in your discussions,you might want to think a little before becoming adamantly opposed to her suggestions!If the family is warm,accepting and not looking for an ATM card,living in the same province is helpful to the relationship(how close in proximity is always debateable )as far as community acceptance and family emergence,but you better have a clear understanding of Thai customs and practices combined with a good heart and a strong will to not be taken advantage of!You have to set clear boundaries within your understanding of their ways and stick to them with a gracious personable manner!
If you live close to the family,I would recommend that you learn the Thai language and the local ''lingo''!It will help in gaining the respect of the family and friends and relieve the strain on the relationship involved when she has to translate most everything for you and /or ask questions that you want answered,but she is not customed to ask!
If I were you,I would ask specific questions of experienced expats here either through posted questions or PM's!
Good Luck!

Thanks heaps Bkkstan, your thoughts have been taken on board.
I appreciate yout time & advice.
Hope we can chat sometime.
Thanks...Mal.

Mal, you really need to meet and spend time with these girls. And as Stan says your biggest obstacle is likely to be communication.

Welcome to the forum Mal. Best piece of advice I can give you is to learn the language. Also read anything you can on culture, way of life, do's and dont's, cross-cultural relationships etc...

I have to admit to being totally naive and unprepared when I came here first. I met a girl but when I felt that I was a walking ATM card I got the hump and high-tailed it back to Dublin. Looking back she wasn't "putting the hammer on me" for huge sums but it was the principle of it all and I felt paranoid that I was only there to give her family a cash injection.

I like to think I know the score a bit more now and my paranoia has dissapated in the last couple of years.

Good luck.

Well you have been given good adivice, mine is to come enjoy your vacations, settle here when you ready to learn and then pick the lady you want to be with long term. Mature realtionships that last are much different those of your younger years.

But nothing say you can't enjoy your time in Water Buffalo University. Hey I paid my dues before I met my wife, you probably will to, most of us do

Cha Cha my friend slowly

Mal:
meet both as stated.
You wouldn't try just one car before buying one so, set your sights on both.
If they are as country and personable as mine your in luck.
Some chix whether Thai or Indian or whatever are after the $$. A lot though are after the family thing with someone $$ capable of supporting them. They make lovely partners.
Chix are like cars. If you get a reliable one you will get a great return and when you get a new model, you can store the old one in the garage as an investment in case the new one has a breakdown.

cheers.

Mal when I cam here I had probably 20 girls lined up to meet, I met one i wa a disaster, from that point on I was meeting so many new ones I never had the time to meet the others. The easiest thing to find in Thailand is women, the hardest thing to find is a good one.

Enjoy your internet time as I recall it can pass a lot of hours for you, until you can make the move. I did a lot of internet dating in the states and I wrote many girls in Thailand. The minute they asked for money the mail stopped.


Sometimes you just got to make do with what and where you are, nothing wrong with that. But never forget what it really is, even if these girls are totaly honest, it does not mean a relationship can be formed from that. You never know a person until you live with them, Then the reality will sets in.

I want yuo to think about this, you meet these ladies and decide hey this is the one for me, how you going to feel when yuo walk throught the complex and 50 girls give that cute little smile, cause that is what is going to happen.

This ladies here can spot a newbie from a block away. You won't realize it but you will have a flashing ATM sign around your neck. The truth is Mal you need sometime to adjust to a brand new world, before you get into a relationship here. This Ain't Kansas Toto.

Now lets see a guy mid fifties, gets flirted with a by a 20 year old university student in that tight black skirt, sure you won't pay any attention. Take your time Mal go play cause more then likely you are going to do just that. If you are in a long term relationship, most Thai ladies will not appreciate it.

You see those little cuties are out there everyday.

You got to adjust here.

Mal,I understand where Ray is cominhg from and i agree except for one point!Playing around because there seems so many flirting or showing some kind of interest is like playing in a Minefield and believe me ,as a newbie,your emotions will trap you.These girls are acting and calculating while we are getting emotionally attached!You have already had a ''taste'' of what I am talking about!
Take your time on the internet screening and screening many girls!When they start asking for money,talking about loving you,SAY goodbye!If you talk to 1000 girls,you will be lucky if you have 5 good potentials.Whatever amount you have ,spent some quality time with each one if you are really interested in a serious relationship.Don't play with them or any others!Soon as you use the ''I love you'',you are at their mercy!Save it for later in the relationship,use like ,like very much for a long time!

I agree with all the above, but I think that time will also be an issue.
If you start a serious relationship now, but it will take you 2 years or longer to move to Thailand, then time can be a problem. Especially if you can't really communicate with each other.
Unless she is willing to live together with you in your country for a while, that depends on who she is. If you find a good and decent girl, she has a family, and a good and steady job, it might be better to let her stay in her own country.
Take it easy, and take your time, don't rush into anything yet.

Personally I think you have made the best move at the moment by communicating with Thai women in their 30's as opposed to 20's.Not sure if there are children involved with either and if this influences you in any way.
Do not forget either that they may be communicating albeit with difficulty with other farang on the internet so keep your favoured one as interested in you as can be,because 6 months before you come can be like one year to her.If they have been left with properties from their divorced husbands then probably kids are in the home which the home may have a loan against it ie bills need paying.The home will have been placed in the children's name,a normality when Thais divorce.It is difficult to advise too much without of course more info but it is your final judgement not ours.I read on another thread you talking about Kalasin,cannot remember if it has regular direct flights from Bangkok,maybe either of the women have never been out of their villages before so would be difficult for them to make a decision to meet outside their regular area.

Couldn't agree more about the 30 age range, Mine field Stan is absolutley correct, but you would be the excpetion rathre then the rule if you don't go poking around in it. You got some time before you settle down. If your strong enough to leave it alone then skip it, if your not get it out of your system before you marry. Nothing ruins a marriage more then no trust and that goes both directions.

Hi malt,I was in the same position a few months ago,met many girls on line and picked out two to concentrate on ,came to udon and bankok
found both girls to be special,no demands from either,came back to capetown confused,did what any irishman would do spun a coin ,I have the one lady with me now for the last 5 weeks ,the best weeks of my life
I wake up each day with a smile on my face,all you can loose is a bit of cash but you can gain a life, good luck