Hi All
I first came to Thailand in May 2007 on an "escorted" holiday. On the second day I was intorduced to a lady who on day 1, I disliked, on day 2 I began to realise what a wonderful heart she had and by day 3 was totally head over heels. We spent the next 4 weeks together during which I met her sister in Pattaya, brother in Bangkok and her mum, dad and daughter in Isaan. I also met lots of her firends and , without reservation, all asked me not to hurt her. She is clearly loved by all those she knows and this strikes me as very positive. The family is extremely poor (not even running water) even by Isaan standards. As my return to England grew close, I hired an interpretor so that we could talk to each other at a deeper level, and she told me about her parents background and all about her own. She hid nothing other than to say she couldn't tell me about all her activities as she felt I would not be able to take it. My personal view is that her past life has made her the 30 year old woman she is today and who I met and fell in love with. I cannot believe how strong she is to be able to have such a warm and loving heart with her past experiences. I bought out her contract with her "agency" and have provided her with funds to rent a house, furnish it with needed items and to help her mum and dad - I am aware 60,000 a month is a lot but they and she have nothing to start from - the only electrical items were a fridge approx 10 years old and a black and white TV. Once the basic funishings were in place I reduced the monthly amount to 45,000 in September. Since returning to the UK she has travelled to the nearest internet cafe (approx 30km round trip) come sunshine and rain on a daily basis and we talk over MSN for a couple of hours in the morning before I go to work. We also talk 2 or 3 times a day on the telephone (she calls me as often as I call her - she had a landline installed at the rented house at my request to help keep the costs down) and she always calls me when she is ready to go to sleep so that we can have a telephone cuddle, hug and goodnight kiss (aaaaaagh - puke bags at the ready).
I am now in the process of preparing her parents land to build a house. The landfill has been completed and a retaining wall is being built. I am about to return for a 5 week stay but in the last week or so I have felt that she has started to be less than totally honest - these feelings started after she attended a family wedding and I have started to wonder whether she has realised what she may be missing out on by becoming the girlfriend/wife of a falang. When I read posts on forums such as this my doubts can only multiply rapidly. So tell me - with the brief info above please tell me: Am I being a total fool, have I found a gem, and, with your experience and knowledge of all things Thai what would you do in my position? PS Divorced, twin sons 15, own business in UK, seriously thinking of selling up, marrying my beautiful lady and moving to Isaan permanently

Thanks in advance for any comments - also, if anyone can driect me to the chap who comes from Cambs/East Anglia and was looking for contact with someone who comes from the same area, please either pass on his details to me, or let him have mine - I simply CANNOT find his post!!

Run away from this whole affair, fool!!! Enough said.

computergeek, it may be worth a reading. WATERBUFFALO UNIVERSITY

you are not alone

john s

45000 baht a month is too much even with renting a house imo. or is that for the building/landfill...if its to live on its too much

with the little info you gave i don't think its a 'real gem' although the regular conversations sound nice between the 2 of you , take a step back from the mine field, spend more time with her before any thing big.

"contract" " Agency " ?????

her sister in patters.. is she sending cash home.?
Her brother in bangers..is he sending cash home ?

maybe you think she wants you to think things have changed after this recent wedding thing as she is hoping you are going to ask her to get 'marry' soon,and its not from worrying about missing out on marrying a thai man again.
just my instant thoughts.

Your sending her 45K-60K a month?It is to late for any advice!You have completely muddied the waters with this ridiculous amount of support!No one can give you any advice because we don't know the lady!You have 2 choices,go broke or get lucky, and since you are head over heels already,she will determine your course if you continue.If you move over here with her,I hope you are rich because the level of support that you have started her at will not diminish!
What do you expect to hear from any of us and why are you asking?It's obvious that you want to hear something to validate you actions and you sure in hell are not going to take any advice from us that would end your adventure!But since you have asked,I would suggest that you end all money,payments for building etc. until you decide what your expectations from her are going to be to continue.In most cases,I would expect her to end the relationship unless the money flow continues and so be it because there is one thing I am willing to bet on and that is she has no feelings of love for you because it doesn't exist in Thai culture for her to fall in love with you in such a short period!She might or might not like you,her basis for a relationship with a falang is security and because she is not elgible to marry a Thai with financial substance!

Computergeek,

If you feel like being generous and charitable then do what I did. I "adopted" a Phillipino girl (6y) and boy (8y) from an orphanage run by an organization from my little farangland. All it costs me is about 90 USD per month - for which amount both kids are fed, educated, and kept in a safe environment. There goes my "3rd World guilt trip".

I think you can read between the lines.

There are zillions of girls in Thailand who haven't been active in "the industry" and that's where you should be looking for a relationship and not to get infactuated with the first "fallen soul" you were introduced to.

I worry about you.

this is like a Fiction story right????

this cant be real, please tell me it is all a joke

i do remember the person in or around cambridge/east angular area who mentioned about, but tried to search it out but no joy i am afraid. (Ian with a Thai wife is from cambridge area but not sure if it was him.)
http://www.udonmap.com/udonthaniforum/p ... file&u=770

How big is land you are building on ?
How much for Landfill ?
How much for retaining wall ?

'Escorted holiday'...what is that exactly ?

The cynical replies are expected - bad news always travels fast

I guess I am trying to get some balanced opinions from those that know Thai ladies and Thai culture having lived there for some years

Are there typical signs/pointers to look for - the distance factor is a major problem and is one of the hardest things to cope with in this relationship

I used the term agency so as not to cause offence. Bluntly put, her english pimp and his thai wife, not to mention his Chiang Mai talent spotter - my lady didn't conceal much, which is, in my view, a major point in her favour and one of the reasons why I trust (ed?) her. Easier to pay the pimp off - he is BKK and Chiang Mai based and a nasty piece of work into the bargain

I will have a look at the water buffalo topic - thanks for the tip

Re the amount of money and family - brother in BKK slums, 3 sheets corrugated iron for shelter plus a lean to, 1 foot ground water, babies cot about 1 foot above that. My guess is my lady sends money to her brother and I am very happy if that is the case - they may not be my family yet but they are certainly hers and she takes her responsibilities seriously
There is no way I would not help out, especially when the FO has just sent out a Cholera alert for all of Thailand via their web site.

Her sister? I don't know. Fair question though.

Marriage? Hey, I'm not dismissing that idea but way too early - another couple of years..............

House - 13K for a 3 bed detached with all mod cons - have you seen the prices in the UK lately? ) 90 year lease so what's the problem?

Seriously though, thanks for the advice so far. If any of your Thai wives have comments about my ladies thought process then that would be very much appreciated.

This is a case of a classic windup if there ever was one. Fiction? Yeah, nobody's that gullible.

you have done a lot in such a short time. Well done.

English pimp and his wife?????????

beer monkey wrote:How big is land you are building on ?
How much for Landfill ?
How much for retaining wall ?

'Escorted holiday'...what is that exactly ?

Where is Udon Thani?
Is there water and electricity near the house?
£13,000 does seem cheap for the land and the house with all mod cons.

Thanks for all the comments

No, this is not a wind up - it isn't possible to give every detail here - I have been back and stayed with her in the village, I am coming back soon after 3 long long months apart.

English pimp? - oh yes. He runs a stable of between 12 and 15 girls at any one time. He recruits girls from Chiang Mai (his talent spotter watches them come in from the fields), ties them in with various means. His attitude to losing a girl is "there are plenty more girls". True. One of the toughest negotiations I have ever had to loosen her from his clutches. (Police? hahahahahahaha)

House is based on one of the standard plans in the book. which I have seen mentioned elsewhere on the web. No silly falang designs for me - Thai is as Thai does.

The first thing I did when I saw her parents shack was lay on running water. 2007, Thailand, no running water, 3 kids being looked after - unbelievable. 2 nights in Phuket 5* cost more than the water supply for buddhas sake. Look yourself in the mirror from the private swimming pool when loose change can fix it. In my book, no choice.

Electricty and water therefore already available now. Just under 230,000 baht for the retaining wall and landfill, house is 650,000 baht. Fixed price with very reasonable payment milestones in the contract.

Oh and yes, I sponsor an African child each year through school and university. Have some real success stories too. Have 7 in total progressing through the system at the moment and intend to do the same in Isaan. I know about the education available in thailand, I know about the employment laws and I know what I see with my own eyes.


I came to Thailand to investigate potential business opportunities and did not want to waste time or have the hastle of picking up bar girls, so booked a bespoke tour with pre-selected compionship. I never expected to fall so totally in love or to meet such a wonderfl woman. Don't overlook the fact that she told me all about her past - believe me. I learnt far more than I wanted to and anyone who thinks thai girls do it for the love of the job or money need their tiny minds examined. Push my buttons on that one if you dare ) Moderator, watch out )

I had my interpretor check all the receipts when I went through my ladies accounting on my 2nd visit. 100% accounted for and 100% accurate by the way. So why don't I trust her?????? Because she is Thai and I am trying to read language and body signals and failing miserably.

Does she just want my money? Probably. Is that enough for me? Possibly. Does she see an escape route - definately, does she gain face with her family - yes, long term security for her family - yes. But tell me, is that enough for a Thai lady? Certainly not enough for falang girls )

For those of you who have offered constructive advice I thank you. For the cynics, thank you for telling it as you see it. I may choose to ignore you but I assume your comments are drawn from experience (your own or others) rather than tittle tattle or friend of a friend tales. I fully accept I am a totally stupid naive fool and the reason for the first post is that I seriously suspect that is what I am......

but )

when I advertised for a Thai teacher I received 17 replies from happily married Thai ladies within 10 miles of my home. Were any of them bar girls? Don't know. But certainly the ones I interviewed were very happy with their falang husbands - the one teaching me Thai comes from one village down the road from my lady so I am even learning the correct dialect )

So several thousand miles away, with the possibility of making the worst decision of my life by ditching the relationship would make a far more foolish man of me than taking a minor financial risk. So I guess I have answered my own doubts - high stakes poker here we come )