A nice post Stan, but typical of you it's purely a black and white reaction. No offense intended but some of us do have grey area's in our relationships and walking away solves nothing, but creates enormous stress on individuals. Some times we all have to compromise whether we like it or not. I have a problem with the oldest son in the family who was given extensive farm land by his parents plus the block his home sits on. Over the years as the old boy sold off land and the money went to number 1 son who has accumulated extensive wealth and is now perceived as a Gentleman farmer. Last year when the old boy got sick and was put in Hospital for two weeks who do you think had to put his hand in his pocket to save his life. #1 son has never given as much as a grain of rice to his family because he is King. Imagine if I walked out on my wife on principal, where would that leave us. Living by Thai rules annoys me at times but I have to accept it to a degree if my relationship is to continue.

laphanphon wrote:WBU.....COURSE REQUIREMENTS........RELATIONSHIP 101

DO NOT NOT NOT NOT LIVE NEAR THE OUTLAWS..............LECTURE OVER, POP QUIZ TOMORROW


near = less than an hour on motorbike.................safe = more than 'near'

No worries, we keep a Pattaya bolthole for when we feel the need for a reality check from Isaan and family. After a few weeks down there, it's usually time to head back to Udon for.... a reality check.

cali4995 wrote:Wow Bunternut, that family of your girl really sounds like they're putting you
both through the wringer. If they are that rude I think I'd cut-out the family
visits and stop the outflow of funds. Why should you help people who seem to
be treating you so shabbily. Treat them the same way, they'll change quickly.

I have never given the family a penny Cali for that exact reason, and also because Im skint and have been since before my wife and I got together but thats another story LOL. I know my wife sends some money about 500 a week, baht that is ,dont have heart attack LOL but thats out of her allowance I give/send her.

The big money was given by my wife before we got together as an item, when she had a very nice boyfriend with more money then sense, but your right ,they treat my wife real bad in my opinion, I dont see much of them but like I say when we have gone together back to the village the men in the family are ok ish with me but they dont even say hello to my wife and when I first mentioned this she told me it was because they thought she was "very bad low lady" work as prostitute, bloody hell , the old man sent her in the first place

Actually this might make an intresting subject for a new post but I not sure how to start one

Take care all

The Nut

I feel one of the problems is JEALOUSY, our wives/girl friends have what many Thai's crave for money and a sense of security.
Our partners background matters not to us, we love and cherish them, if you look at Thai culture, loving as we do is alien to many Thai males.
. The only way a Thai male can react is to attack the morals and actions of a Thai girl. Now not all Thai men are like that , but unfortunately the local villagers, or shall I say the less well educated live in the old way and still think that customs and culture rule the day, hence their attitude.
It may be a generalisation but seems to be true from my experience,but what Thai males forget is their tendency to find a young lady, purchase her, make her pregnant and then leave her.
With no welfare state, family poor, she has no options especially if she has little or no education.
Now is that their fault ? Toomany Thai men blame them. Called saving face I think.

Kuhn Paul, I have to disagree with you as I truly believe you are listening to too many tales on Thai males. I hear this story from falang males all the time and it seems they got their info from their woman. I know many Thai males where your story does not fit.

One of these days falang will not listen to everything they want to hear but look for themselves. Have you ever heard from a woman in your home country, who was divorced, it is a lot like the one you gave above.

However it does make good reading.

I wonder how much credit or discredit can be attributed to the different attitude towards children by the parents.My experience is that Thai families seem to cottle and spoil the boys while expecting the girls to be servants!
The boys act as if they are a different class of human,princes,if you will!They seem to be raised to not have to accept responsibility for their actions at all!

The other day I was visiting a Brit friend and his family.They were working in their yard cleaning up prior to having a large group BBQ.The son was assigned a task of pulling out some weeds in a small ball pitching court(something that could take about 30 minutes to do!The wife was supposed to go to the market to get supplies with guests showing up within the hour,but she just could not break herself away from taking over the sons weedpulling to do her task!

On one hand she complains about the boys real father never assuming responsibilty as a provider and on the other hand she is teaching her son the basics of not having to assume any responsibility!

The unruliness of boys in school with teachers unable to discipline is another example of the preparation of ''Thai man no good'' syndrome!

That ''syndrome'' is a good reason to have ''sin sod'' in Thailand!

Great Stan, those were observations and not stories and I agree with what you write. I must also say as I have traveled around rural Thailand it seems that the males are more disciplined than in the cities, but the girls are still disciplined more than the boys. Does this make for bad marriages. I do not think any more so than most other cultures.

An observation I have made is there is getting married and then there is something between marriage and just shacking up, and I am not talking about mia noi's. It is hard to describe due to my upbringing and what is considered ok morally and what the Thais consider moral. Being brought up in a christian atmosphere has led to certain ways of thinking that is defiantly in conflict with the Thai way of thinking and believing. So who is wrong and who is right in the way they believe. Beats the holy hell out of me. I just try to accept both.

This thread has had many twist and turns. I am returning to something I wanted to bring up a bit before this. Now I am generalizing so now not everyone get upset. This does not apply to all.

It seems we go through this bit about wives former profession especially if we think they might have been hooking. I truly think most of the guys come to Thailand for the pleasure of the flesh for their first trip or folks returning for that reason. Now this is a beleif that comes straight out of ones upbringing. It is ok for the male to go whoring but then you are suppose to look down on the woman for that. In my opinion (and you notice I said my opinion) the man is no better than the woman. So what does it matter. None in my opinion. Gee I know a preachers daughter who was the biggest lay in her time. Did she get over it and became a lady. You bet.

One more question. What happens to all the young girls that go into prostitution when they get older. Seems that most go back to their homes to become citizens of their community. Traveling around rural Thailand and have someone come up to you and say Hi, and then meet their husband and kids. They only say they worked with falangs when younger. This has happened twice. Neither one blurted out I was a whore.

Oh well some will get my point and some won't. Have a good life.

Have you ever heard from a woman in your home country, who was divorced, quote

No especially not my FOUR

Actually there are IMO some very good points in both post, and I can see where a lot of the coments are true in my own experiance, on the one hand I agree with banpang I have long suspected that the numerous tales of mistreatment by Thai men could easily be heard in a bar in the UK or the USA or anywhere, and also I know for a fact that at least one senior lady / bar owner in Pattaya trains her girls to speak this way as she understands that it plays into some foriegn males sympathies and their wish to help and rescue girls in trouble, almost like the white knight syndrome, she also believes and I make her right that it is sympathy that makes most men take a girl from the bar and not love.

But I have to say that Kuhn Pauls comments whilst I have no way of proving / knowing them to be true do fit the facts,of the behaviour of a lot of Thai men and women sometimes!! that I see and know, and it is a reasonable explanation of what certainly does occur, and Ban its not just Thai Bar Girls that tell these STORIES, I have met over the years many Thai women with the same tale to tell, or maybe they just spotted the white Knight Syndrome in me


quote the man is no better than the woman

The only thing wrong here is that it could be argued, certainly in Thailand that the man is worse then the women, I have lost it sometimes with her in doors when she has strayed, but like she says " I do for money " " Why you do " Shes got a point

By the way what was this post all about in the first place

Take Care all

The NUT

They seem to be raised to not have to accept responsibility for their actions at all! quote

Thats so right, once we had the children of my wifes family come and stay some nephews neices etc the two boys sat and were paling a tv/video game and after about 2 hours they had left a right mess from some food and snacks whatever, and they just got up and left it, I asked my wife to tell them to clear it up and she just told one of the girls to do it, now I dont know about you but to me this was wrong, so I stop the girl and tell the boys No you do, your mess you clean, Now not only did the kids look at me as if I was Fxxking mad, my wife and me ended up in a flaming row over this and she ended up packing her bags packing up the kids and leaving. Crazy, and another thing just to broaden this out even more

Is my wife the only one who seems to argue with me and other Farang males all the time but wont say boo to a goose where Thai men are concerned

Take Care All

The Nut :

banpaeng wrote: Neither one blurted out I was a whore.

Oh well some will get my point and some won't. Have a good life.

You were???!!! OMG!!! What a revelation (but I won't hold it against you).