As a relative newbie to the Forum, I would like to throw in a few thoughts about farang relationships with Thai girls.
Firstly, I saw a comment that it was easy and usually preferable to walk away from a failing relationship, recognizing that it’s only money that is being lost. I would agree we do need to be sufficiently objective to recognize the signs and then to initiate plans to walk away. But one of the bigger issues for older farangs is that often much capital has been sunk into a particular relationship/situation and whilst assuming one has an on-going source of income such as a pension, I would point out it is very difficult to replace capital already expended. If an individual moves through 2 or 3 failed relationships his capital is likely to be quickly eroded.
It is therefore important to go slowly and be very sure of your relationship before committing significant funds.
I suspect that many farangs still live in farangland and see/visit their TW’s/TGF’s maybe 3 times a year, for 2 or 3 weeks at a time. In my view that simply is not sufficient to know them well enough, or to justify committing significant funds to purchase houses and land etc. You really have to live with someone for an extended period to get to know the real person – even more important because of the large cultural differences.
Something else that irritates me, prompted by comments I have heard, along the lines of: “Has he bought you a house yet?” and “Oh, if mine didn’t, I wouldn’t stay with him!” She is talking about her husband, whom she allegedly loves. There seems to be an ever increasing assumption with so many Thai girls that Ok if I have a farang BF he will buy me a house and a pickup and maybe one for my parents too. A nice idea, but a rather presumptuous perspective!
Let’s stop for a moment and view the alternative perspective. What happens if, with her 1.5 children and lack of income and job prospects, she is lucky enough to find a Thai BF, which is unlikely? Would he have the funds to buy her a house and vehicle outright? No, he would not. If he did, he would most likely be moving in different circles and looking at someone else.
So what gives this lady the right to expect, if not demand, that her new farang BF buys her a house and car, AND often in the first 3 months they’ve known each other?
Just stop and think for a minute. If boy and girl meet in farang land (or indeed normally in LOS) they pool their resources and work towards buying a house together. This normally involves them both working and saving a deposit and then buying the house by way of a mortgage/bank loan over many years. There is no outright purchase of such a valuable asset as a house. Indeed they may well spend most of their lives working and paying to achieve that. Why then should little Poo Ying from Udon expect virtually all of it to be laid on her plate, and almost up front?
Ok you might argue, yes, but we’re not talking of a 23 year old starting out on life’s journey. In most instances the farang man has already worked for a large part of his life to build up his assets (and lost half of them to his ex back in farangland). So he now has available funds. Well, think again. If he was to re-marry in farangland, the same principles as above would apply, in that they would each pool what assets they had accumulated and see what they could buy in the way or a house together, and it may well still involve a loan for some part of the funds.
The same applies to the sin sot. Would a divorced lady, age 28 (that’s over the hill for Thai men), with little education, few work skills, 2 children, and from a farming village, really expect to get a dowry of more than 40K baht? I doubt it, unless a farang comes along and pays 400K baht!! But that was last week. What will this week bring?
What has happened? Is it an increase in greed and communication? Has the third question after “What’s your name?” become “How much will you give and what will you buy me, if we get married?”?
If a relationship is based on: “Ok you buy me land, a house and a 4 x 4 and then maybe I’ll love you”, in my view the relationship is doomed from the start. There should initially be an “Ok I like you and want to get to know you more. If things go well and we love each other then Ok we may want to get married. Then as time unfolds, things are going well, I will naturally want to do the best for my beloved and provide her with security for her future. I do feel we are all too often putting the cart before the horse (or allowing the cart to be put before the horse on our behalf) and in doing so setting a precedent for all, particularly those following later. I understand Thais have very long courtships and they are from the same culture and know each other better than we who are from a different culture. So why do we jump in so quickly, often after only 3 months?
Come on guys, what is this? Are you indulging in “one-upmanship”? Who can pay the biggest “sin sod”? Who can buy the largest and most expensive house in Issan? It’s getting to be like an auction! Remember the bigger the outlay, the harder the fall!
Back up a bit. Shouldn’t we be saying, Ok we live together and if all is good after the first year, I’ll pay the first instalment of the sin sod (if indeed there needs to be one). If after 2 years all is well, then I’ll pay the second instalment and maybe we should be looking to buy a house and home for the future. Surely, he who has the money should be calling the tune?
The above said, conversely I would be the first to agree, that we the farang men should not and cannot expect that by offering to buy these things that it will in turn buy the love of our partner.
If I may quote from a recent Forum posting:-
Where the equation went wrong is the expectation they each had from the exchange. He thought his buying all these things would BUY her everlasting devotion etc etc. She thought his buying them for her would enable her to love him. They were both wrong and in a way you could accuse both of being selfish thinking they could put a monetary value on each others love.
May I also add, I realize that many farangs have met, married and been together with their TW’s for a long time and have provided for them as they would wish and as one would consider appropriate. I totally endorse such action and am not seeking to undermine a long standing, well established and trusting relationship. My points relate to the expectations of the currently available girls, and to the visiting farang who suddenly thinks he has met Miss Right, at a local drinking establishment and then before you know it, has committed a large part of his life’s assets to someone he barely really knows.
And before you ask, none of which was returned the next day!!!! As I understood things, this young lady had a basic education - I doubt she even reached high school, and had/has little job prospects. She was average in terms of her looks, though has a pleasant personality.
To me if someone lives here already that should really be an advantage, because you 
