I have seen this come up several times and even said it myself. I feel that if you can not trust your wife with knowing your total money picture, then you will be in trouble. This is what leads to asking for more money than is available.

For me trust is not the issue, it's more a case of her being able to understand it, and if she could, being able to prioritise it.

The farang that Thais see on the telly are the likes of Mr Gates,Warren Buffet and Premier League footballers,so it's a good idea to sit down and explain the true situation or you will have an endless stream of relatives with either sick animals or good investment ideas.

RJ and Marcus, Appreciate your thoughtful additions. Very insightful observations.

This is not to get off topic but when my wife came to Texas (1975) her Dad said he would sell the farm to come get her if I took her here and made her herd sheep or cattle. Her family told her she had to learn to shoot a pistol. The only thing they had seen of Texas was a John Wayne movie.

I do know of farang who don't tell the wife,but that is a strange sort of marriage to me and you might as well stay single if you cannot trust her.

I would have to vote yes to the question, I do trust her, but haven't voted because I don't tell her my complete financial circumstances. I give her a substantial sum every month, to cover all housekeeping expenditure and her own and kids private purchases, but the rest is the results of my earnings and savings before I met her. Why should I tell her about them?

valentine wrote:I would have to vote yes to the question, I do trust her, but haven't voted because I don't tell her my complete financial circumstances. I give her a substantial sum every month, to cover all housekeeping expenditure and her own and kids private purchases, but the rest is the results of my earnings and savings before I met her. Why should I tell her about them?

I voted yes and I do the same as you. Why do I reveal everything beyond trust, if I die she needs the information. The VFW has a way to avoid that if one wanted to, the VFW Service officer holds our wills and information that would be needed in the event of our death. In our case the wifes get a monthly income for life or until she remaires. Tons of forms need to be filled out, and there aere annual forms as well. The same will be apporpriate in the event Social Security is available for the children, If they are yuor natural Children they have a right to money till 18.

In this case how can she do what she needs to do to take care of the family, without the information needed?

For me I want to know that the wife are on the same page financially, ther is no way that I know of to do that without complete trust. I also believe that this means that you have to take the time to teach your wife about the money available.

I don't suggest that you just hand them the money with no idea if they can handle it. You didn't learn in one day and they won't either.

I handled the money entirely for the first six months and she was given personal money each weeek, She spent and she got no more. Not because I'm a cheap charlie, but to learn limits.

I took a bit of a adventure in Kuwait for three months,a friend gave her 7K a week while I was gone. Not anywhere what we sepnd together. I'm an expensive habit, but a lot to a Thia. She would go weeks without going to get money adn would never take more then the 7K.

I had learned with a Thia girlfriend prior to her to be careful, that one went through 65K month and it wasn't enough. She proved to me that I couldn't trust her. She was a delightful beautiful girl, but she and her family would never have been satisfied with any amount of money. It cost me some money, but at the time I was still working making ridicules money, so it didn't hurt me. I lost a little and moved on, but what would the cost have been had I stayed?

I know that money can be a real hard thing to deal with in a realtionship, if your not on the same page it's probably cause problems down line. But I don't know how to develop trust without giving a person a chance. But to each his own, my wife is my best freind, I trust my friends or they wouldn't be friends, so why not trust her.

One last thought if you are married please take the time to make sure your wife will have everything she needs to take care of the family and you in the event of your death. It is not an if, you will die. If things are not done to supply information for Thai authorities and your home country. You will leave her with a demanding task that she does not have a clue how to handle. If you don't have a friend that you trust that much then have an executor. Take the time now to find out what might be available to her and the family. Get the foms now fill out the basic information, make sure that copies and the original documents that will be needed are gathered, placed in one file and availble to her.

Then go have a beer

You stinker you said a new thread, had no idea this would be it

I gave this one a definite yes. Out of the two of us my LW is the most prudent with our money; she won't spend a sent unless it is necessary and with a little bit of direction has a good grasp of doing business in Australia she is self employed and now has four staff on fulltime. I have the upmost trust in my LW and know that if I die or stuff her around she will be just fine by herself (I hope one doesn

Not to tell a wife everthing to me makes her less of a wife and more of a companion.Why conceal anything from someone so close and special.Cannot see a valid reason not to tell."What's mine is hers and hers is mine" rings true to me.

businessman wrote:Not to tell a wife everthing to me makes her less of a wife and more of a companion.Why conceal anything from someone so close and special.Cannot see a valid reason not to tell."What's mine is hers and hers is mine" rings true to me.

Interesting point of view. Less of a wife. Never really thought of her on a grading scale before.To me she is everything, wife, lover, mistress, friend, companion and even my mother or daughter. at times. I have a blood daughter in UK and I want her to enjoy the benefit of my years of labour as well.My wife is fully aware of this and is comfortable with the arrangements I have put in place.If sharing your money is the only measure of a marriages success then maybe I am going wrong somewhere!!!

valentine wrote:

businessman wrote:Not to tell a wife everthing to me makes her less of a wife and more of a companion.Why conceal anything from someone so close and special.Cannot see a valid reason not to tell."What's mine is hers and hers is mine" rings true to me.

Interesting point of view. Less of a wife. Never really thought of her on a grading scale before.To me she is everything, wife, lover, mistress, friend, companion and even my mother or daughter. at times. I have a blood daughter in UK and I want her to enjoy the benefit of my years of labour as well.My wife is fully aware of this and is comfortable with the arrangements I have put in place.If sharing your money is the only measure of a marriages success then maybe I am going wrong somewhere!!!

Hmm!!! this one throws me it really sounds like you are really saying the same thing in different ways. Of course sharing financial information is only one aspect of a marriage. I believe what the other guy is referring to is if you want to hide things where is the trust. I've seen a lot of your posts now I doubt that you are missing anything.

How many guys have you met here that says she is OK but no good with money. only to find out that no effort was made to expalin things and they had never gave the wife a chance.

Does my wife buy foolish things you bet foolish to me not to her. Thank goodness there are some difference's between us. I don't think I would enjoy living in the most wonderful motorcycle that I have ever seen.

Do I do foolish things when it comes to motorcycle we have three, how many can I ride? She puts up with my foolishness as well

you may as well tell her , her divorce solicitor will only find out in the end if your marriages fail .
by not telling her everything , how can the foundation of your marriage grow . youre not lying but on the other hand , youre not being completely honest .
youre hiding something from your wife .
you say , you trust your wives ,
it doesnt sound like it to me

Sorry, if this is somewhat off at a tangent again, but I have this view that, many, if not most, of these ladies come from, let's say 'humble' backgrounds and have not been accustomed to large amounts of money.

They know what it means to be frugal, but ok, if WE want to be less than frugal, or should I say imprudent, with our money, then they won't stand in our way. They will help us spend it, with little realisation of the longer term consequences.

So similarly, if they see us spending let's say unwisely, or more likely lavishly, or foolishly, then we cannot blame ourselves if subsequently we are asked to contribute towards the sister-in-laws' land purchase, or her son's new motorbike, and all sorts of dubious business schemes or other family situations. Or indeed asked for a substantial sin-sot.

"You reap what you sow". Or as someone else mentioned earlier today, something about "shooting oneself in the foot".

Sorry, I know that wasn't the original question. It may be being a bit simplistic, but surely she shouldn't be your wife, UNTIL you can and do TRUST her. But whether you can tell her or indeed are even able to explain all your financial matters to her, is indeed another matter!! She may simply not be able to understand it all!! Horses for courses!!

arjay wrote:Sorry, if this is somewhat off at a tangent again, but I have this view that, many, if not most, of these ladies come from, let's say 'humble' backgrounds and have not been accustomed to large amounts of money.

They know what it means to be frugal, but ok, if WE want to be less than frugal, or should I say imprudent, with our money, then they won't stand in our way. They will help us spend it, with little realisation of the consequences.

So similarly, if they see us spending let's say unwisely, or more likely lavishly, or foolishly, then we cannot blame ourselves if subsequently we are asked to contribute towards the sister-in-laws' land purchase, or her son's new motorbike, and all sorts of dubious business schemes or other family situations. Or indeed asked for a substantial sin-sot.

"You reap what you sow". Or as someone else mentioned earlier today, something about "shooting oneself in the foot".

Sorry, I know that wasn't the original question.

Not a tangent at all sage advice, you have to teach the person, if not your asking for trouble, until they understand then it would be very foolish.

As I'm trying to sponsor my GF's Visa application, it was required to provide bank statements etc to substantiate the request. I didn't have a problem with this. I've allways believed honesty is the best policy.
However, this goes against the advice of the Alan in Mojos, who told me never to let a Thai lady know what money you have.
Everyone to their own, I suppose.

Gary