Following on from Arjays little aside on growing grass, I thought it is a pertinent question to ask, as many of us older guys have done our bit, changing nappies, school runs etc etc. Some have even done it twice, with grandchildren as well.
I have the best wife I could possibly ask for but sometimes, about every couple of months I get cheesed off with the domesticity of marriage and need my own space. I fly off somewhere into the blue, anywhere, doesn't matter, the going is more important than the destination. Of course earlier on in the marriage I got the usual feminine logic, You have lady? Now however she knows its just me being me.Also earlier on as inevitably happens I got the "i'me leaving you" but when my response was to get her suitcase out, being an intelligent woman she knew this wasn't going to work, so I don't get that now.Funnily enough, firstly as a reprisal, she started going off with her girl friends, now she readily admits its great to get out of each others pockets occassionally. No we're not worried about the other having affairs, we have complete confidence in each other and always feel closer when returning from an absence.
So Arjay, I can readily syphathise with you, I've been there but have worked a way round it that satisfies me.I suppose you could sum it up as "Part time bachelor, occassional, father and husband.

Boy, Val did you open a can of worms But your absolutely correct, I had been married three times when I came here had raised two family's from age 19 to 57, the first priority in life was children. My wife has no children so that allows us to travel and do things together and pretty much to live our own schedule. Trust me it's a good deal.

But with no work in the schedule any longer we are pretty much together 24/7. I love my wife she is a good lady, but I don't even want to be around me that many hours a day much less anyone else.

Some times I just feel trapped in a boring life, not what I had in mind. When that happens I got to go, if I didn't we probably would be splitting the sheets.

At first my girlfriend then and wife now, was having nothing to do with me going outside alone. It was so funny all 89 lbs of her would jump right on me chest and push me back on the bed. Could I have gotten her of me yes but not without hurtng her. I was being suffocated, I hung in there with her because I recongnized something in her that I not only liked but needed. with us the love grew with time not instantly. In her defence in those days I had a well earned rep for being a player and she knew it. But I was trying to get out for sanity, not play. Packing suit cases and even at one point laying 40k on the table and telling her to leave would not run this girl off, glad now she didn't go. But at the time I needed to breath.

I went to Kuwait for a few months worked and came back, she settled down guess the light finally went on, he is not leaving me. Things got much better after that to a point that I married her, couldn't have without that change.

Today I want to go I go, but in all honesty she is my best friend and I don't do it that often. But I do need to do it.

We have talked about children, the first thing she say is you take care them and she gets a very straight and direct answer, NO!!!!! Now she is not talking financially, she means baby sitting changing diapers sorry I got my t-shirt don't want another. Whether I excercise it or not I want to be able go when I want to.

Don't get me wrong I don't dislike children I think every other farrang should have two, just not me

So the answer is yes I do have to go from time to time and be selfish, but this is the last chance I have to have a bit of freedom and money at the same time.

It' an odd thing I'm happy with where my wife and I are and what we created together. It would be very difficult to walk away, but if it came down to being posessed in the relationhip I would have to go. Like Val it isn't about playing around, it's about being myself.

Actually I think she gets tired of me and welcomes the escape as much a I do.

I would imagine that this is a tough situation for all of us who have a few years under the belt.

Like Ray been married three times . and lived in a couple of other relationships for over a couple of years . You own space for sure. I retired with wife number three to Wales when I was forty ,money not a problem but what we where going to do with each other could have been . However this was solved by me having hobbies ie writing music and sculpture and wifey wrtiting books. So every day pretty much like a work day except we lived in same house . We would get up and have breakfast and then go to work , her at computer writing and me in studio in 80 ft barn . sometimes we would get back together for lunch and sometimes go out for day. Problems came after 17 years when to be fair we had just grown apart. Her writing had taken her over and similar for me and music. I guess at the end of the day her new projects started to bore me and same for her. This time round in Thailand G/f works ands wants to keep on working , (she does not have to ,it is a choice on her part), but it works out well . We have masses of time together ,but also have space ,we live near to parents ,so she pops over to see them , so for time being it all works well . We eat out every night and that sort of starts are coming together time . I love a good relationship but being together all the time can sure as hell wreck a good one as well . Have you own interests is an essential but not letting them take over your life as a couple is important as well . If a relationship goes to far down then even absence wont make the heart grow a lot fonder. There are times when I really dont want her to go to work in the morning but then other days I cant wait to get started on latest project. OH yes you have to have trust ,without it forget hobbies ,eating out etc. If one partner jealous or worried then nothing going to work . After six months Im just getting past g/f jelous stage mainly cos she got nothing to be jelous of, Im busy at home most days and I guess if Im going to wander the world then I would want her to be with me having never been a great lone traveler due to fact I like to share new experiences and talk about them . we are all different . NEEds and Wants ,Needs and Wants and they can vary as the years go by .

Thank you Ray, Val and aj. It's re-assuring to know that I'm not the only one to have those thoughts, or to get the hassles from the GF, if I do want to go out out alone sometimes. Sometimes I feel guilty, because I realise I am to some extent being selfish, but as was said we all need space from time to time.

And yes there's obviously lots of worms in that lawn !

Sometimes I just like to walk around, partly for exercise and partly to see what I haven't seen before, and when I walk I like to walk realtively briskly as opposed to amble very slowly as does GF.

I'm somewhat conflicted about this. Having been a member of the Multiple Marriages Club (this is #3), I was shocked to find that not only could I be around my husband 24/7 but that I wanted to have that level of companionship! This is a first -- the others definitely could grate on my nerves.

That being said, our visit to Udon last year was the only time we've ever spent 2 weeks constantly in each other's company. Normally, with a large part of his client base being 120 miles away, he spends at least 2-3 days each week out of town. I still travel considerably for my work, also. Weekends we never spend apart.

This weekend, while he was in meetings at a charity conference he attends quarterly, I left the hotel and drove through the North Georgia mountains -- beautiful, clear blue sky and shirtsleeve weather, couldn't be better -- and I did feel the pull between reveling in the freedom of driving alone through the switchbacks and wishing he were there to enjoy it also.

I think we just get weird when we get out of balance. Certainly there would be no repercussion should either of us announce we needed some alone time.

hey guys.
just want to add more to this interesting subject. eventhough i may not have as much knowledge nor experiences than you all, however i agree with you guys. i just turned 30, and in the past relationships, i am notorias when it comes to getting bored and wanting space. i end up breaking up with them. perhaps i haven't found "the one", or maybe i just have a hard time not noticing a cute girl passing by. with all that being said, i met my fiance about 4 yrs ago. met through a mutual friend here in the states. she's from udon and grew up there. she's living in the states now and misses thailand dearly. aside from work, we are always together. i'm afraid the "wanting space,and bored" idea will come up in my head again. i believe i found my best friend, and best lover. hopefully, over time i think she will be independent enough to spend time alone or with her friends instead of being with me all the time. don't get me wrong, i love spending time with her but just dont' want to have any negative feelings about it later on. we even talked about moving to udon. but i have family and friends here and don't know if i can give up my lifestyle here to begin a new one in udon. i have a good job here and i'm thinking of getting a bachelor's degree. don't know if both of my associates degree is good there. what will i do in udon? can i make enough money to support myself and her? (if we live frugaly <---is that even a word?), i will miss my family greatly but can meet good friends there. sorry if i got off topic, i just want to share my recent ramblings......inputs are welcome!

AJ

Sorry, AJ, I don't live in Udon, either, so I cannot comment on whether your education would serve you financially should you choose to look into making a living there!

But I found the following piece by William Campbell Douglass II, MD, to be topical in view of the common theme being voiced in this thread:

"Nags of the world, rejoice!

"A lot of you men out there may be thanking your lucky stars that you married a quiet sort of woman - one who keeps to herself and seems unflappable, even when you're at your most nerve-wracking. Yes, she's rock-solid. Yes, she spares you the harangue some of your buddies' wives wreak up on them. Yes, she's good for your heart...

"But are YOU good for hers?

"According to a recent ScienceDaily article, a Boston University-affiliated study of nearly 3000 married men and women concluded that women who keep their gripes, concerns, or negative feelings to themselves - who "suffer in silence" instead of airing things out with their spouses - actually risk dying at an alarmingly high rate compared to their hen-pecking peers.

"In fact, the research showed that these zip-lipped gals were FOUR TIMES more likely to die of all combined causes (disease, accidents, suicide, etc.) than the loudmouthed ladies.

"Puts you men in quite a position, doesn't it? If this long-term, large-scale study is right, you should be encouraging your mousy martyr to regularly read you the riot act if you want her to be as healthy and long-lived as she can be. But since that might put a damper on YOUR heart and mental health (not to mention likely increase your expenditures or household workload), what's a man to do?

"Well, some other research points to something that'll help - and it doesn't involve chores, spending more time at the shopping mall, or maxing out the credit cards on new clothes, shoes, and jewelry. I'll tell you what it is in a minute...

"But first, I want you to know what else this 10-year B.U. study revealed about marriage and health. According to their data (taking personality traits out of the equation), marital status had no measurable effect on women's likelihood of death. But for men, simply the state of being married - with all other things being equal - decreased mortality by approximately 50%!

"Hmmm. I thought the conventional wisdom was that men are the loners who need no one and nothing, and that women pine and wither when they're unattached. (I've never believed this, but a lot of old-schoolers do, right?)

"Looks like the gals, as usual, are a lot tougher than we think - and they don't need us for near as much as we may have thought. Perhaps, in fact, it's just the opposite! Oh, but back to that thing you can do to help soothe her inner turmoil...

"A touch of good medicine

"Fellas, remember the very first "touch with intent" you shared with a girl - that electric moment that sent your heart leaping so long ago?

"Chances are, it was the simple act of hand-holding that sent your endorphins flooding.

"Well, apparently, this simple contact is still big medicine even for those who are up in years, especially the ladies...

"According to a recent New York Times article, some modern research by University of Virginia and University of Wisconsin scientists showed a significant reduction in both emotional alarm and physical "fight or flight" responses among subject women whose hands were held by their husbands during brain scans under duress.

"Holding the hand of a stranger helped these tense women slightly, but significantly less than those of their familiar spouses. The research points yet again to the mysterious and intangible relationship between closeness (or couple-hood) on health and well-being.

"It's something we don't need science to tell those of us who are happily married...

"Bottom line: Hold her hand, whether she's visibly stressed out or not - especially if she's the silent type. She'll be healthier for it, and you might find it does you a world of good, too."

Consciously think about it when you have read this and then see your wife (or husband, as may be the case). What your partner may be bringing into your life from a wholistic sense could be better than anything that medical science could possibly buy for you! And who knows what morbid afflictions may have failed to take hold in your life because of that person, and the powerfully salubrious effect that she (or he) has upon you?

Your spouse could well not only be enhancing the quality of your life, but most very likely also extending it. So don't be shy about making this essential element in your existence know of and feel their sincere importance to you. For what you derive and benefit from them, they should never have to live with any doubt of their value to you. They're worth it!

Liked what was written and feel there may be an element of truth in it. However, as ,mentioned in this forum, there was another study that showed men lived longer if they viewed a well endowed womans bosom every day.Think I'll go for that!!!!

Val quoted:

there was another study that showed men lived longer if they viewed a well endowed womans bosom every day.Think I'll go for that!!!!

But does it have to be the same one!!

arjay wrote:Val quoted:

there was another study that showed men lived longer if they viewed a well endowed womans bosom every day.Think I'll go for that!!!!

But does it have to be the same one!!

No, your allowed to look at both of them

It's so funny I do need that time for my adventures that are for me, whatever they may be, but the odd part is one days is enough and I am content to toddle off back home for another three or four months until it hits again. The other thing I have noticed is the drive seems to go up more when I'm stuck in the cave with the aircon in this heat. Have done a bit of research on Bagio in the P.I. for an scape. I have been there before and know it is very cool, during the hot season. But that isn't an escape where I would leave the wife at home.

The fact is no I'm not better off alone, I've done it for a number of years twice in my life and really didn't like it. Always felt like there was a void in my life that time and energy was spent filling. First tiem arounf filled it wiht booze, smarter the second time around and avoided that one.

I truly enjoy having my home even if I rant and rave for time to time. My wife is what makes it a home otherwise it' just a house. I'm grateful for that, Now can I escape for a bit

where did this view a bossom a day come from and where does it leave poor old bottom men like me I ask?

A bottom man as well aj...hell you are in paradise with all those cute wee thai tongs. Better being a bottom man in Thailand than a breast man.

For the orginal topic, for me its been a maturity thing.
In my 20's and very early 30's through two marriages and other relationships, I would just take time away from the house. Nothing to disappear for the weekend and think nothing of it. Hell a wife was for looking after the kids, the house and all those sort of time wasting things that only got in the way of me being able to play sport, get on the booze, go hunting and fishing, get on the booze, chase women, get on the booze. Spend time with her? Who ever could think of anything more moronic or sadistic. Guess I fitted into the proper ****** category.

Spent my late 30's and very early 40's raising 2 children by myself as well as holding down a management position. No time for, nor did I want serious relationships. Tough going but loved every minute of it and my children forced me to grow up and enjoy and love relationships.

Mid 40's with children left home and at varsity, had time to just go where I wanted in the world. Ran riot with a few years of being a teenager all over again. Discovered Thailand and thai women. The beauty was having 3 or 4 weeks in Thailand with the thai cuties then being able to retreat to the solititude of my home. Gradually realised during that time that I had changed dramatically and was actually wanting someone to share the now empty palace with.

Now with the thai lady that shares my life, I am the exact opposite than my 20's. The worry I had when she came to live with me was would I feel trapped again and react the same way as when I was younger. Thats now ancient history. I love being around her and doing things together. We both work and have seperate friends and activities, so have plenty of time apart, but still make sure we spend plenty of our free time together. My thai partner is one in a million, but I know if I had meet her 25 years ago ( wait - I would have been raiding the cradle) the marriage would also have ended up in disaster. The big change has been with me to learn what I want and need, listening and accepting what she wants and needs, and learning while there is always greener grass on the other side of the fence, a lot of those fences come complete with barbs and shocks.

Well from all these postings it does look like maturity , wisdom and understanding does come with age. Maybe the Thai girls knew this all along thats why many choose older husbands. We've sown our seeds , reaped our harvest and are ready to appreciate a good partner.

If you've got kids, then no, you shouldn't want to spend time alone. Raising kids is a joint excersise and you should be there for the family.
If the kids have flown the nest, then OK, the odd short break apart should not be a problem.