hi guys and girls,just thought i'd throw my story in as i'd like to hear the forums thoughts,i've been to pataya 5 times in the last ten years or so,i've heard of and seen a few scams.(buy phone so i can phone home and sell back the day you go home simlar to the gold one mentioned in another thread)but i've met a bar girl,no english/german ect dosen't know her way round pataya, not miss world,says she came pataya 3 days before i met her?worked factory bangkok 3 yrs,3 kids,she seems ok??but when i asked about bank acc. didn't seem to know and 2 days later produced a bank book dated nov 2005 20.000 bht deposit!! now am not expecting to meet snow white in a bar but would like to know how a girl in her situation gets that amount of dough,and if its possible for her to get work in udon to look after her kids,i think i know the answer to the first part but would like to hear your thoughts on 2nd. cheers

Pete,

I'm no expert, in fact I'm probably the last bloke to give advice, but from my own past experience and what others on here have said, the best advice is to take things slowly.
There could be a perfectly rational reason for the money. Give her a chance, don't pre-judge but be careful.

Gary

And I am the second to last bloke to give advice. Although it's true in Thailand or elsewhere, be you a woman or man; if you do not absolutely trust him/her......then walk away IMHO

Thank you, thank you thank you Galee. As the relationship threads go, they all boil down to the statement you just made.

Another thread said their are some bargirls that have made excellent, loving wives. This is also very true.

SLOW Pete. Follow Galee advice and you will come out way ahead no matter how the relationship ends up. I wish you all the luck in the world.

Pete, i met my now wife in a very similar way.

Yes ofcourse always a little suspicious initially and rightly so. My wife also had monies that were not immediately 'explainable' but they turned out to be from a previous relationship that hadnt worked out and were a 'rainy day fund'.

I relied alot on my instincts and I think you'll get it right if you take it slowly as the others here recommend.

Good luck.

Adam.

This may be a bit off track but here goes.

Our niece (one of many) now 25yrs has just met and got engaged with a European bloke while working as a bar girl in Phuket, she only has one child but because her and LW were close growing up we sent here 45k bht last year to help out with things (this was done with my objections noted). When the two first met the money in the bank was explained to an uncertain boyfriend and it wasn't until he had visited Lao, met the family, and spoken to yours truly that he began to come around.

I think that SLOWLY is definitely the best approach as mentioned before but (with the boss sitting beside me as I write this down) there are girls in the bars that are genuinely looking for a good husband even if they are few in numbers (strange science that one).

The Boss adds

patayapete wrote:and if its possible for her to get work in udon to look after her kids,i think i know the answer to the first part but would like to hear your thoughts on 2nd. cheers

Just noticed this bit; which was the real question I think

I would guess she is not going to get a good job in Udon, is that right? Maybe at best working in a shop or whatever (I do not know what she is qualified to do) In which case very unlikely with 3 kids without family or your support, income levels are extremely low on average in Udon.

Shop girls around here get between 3000 and 4000 Baht a month.Huge Laos population means very low wages for unskilled work.

IMO........If you are serious about the girl and her children definatley meet the family as soon as you can, visit the family village and their home,do take it slowly and don't just jump in.
as for work if she is well educated a decent job maybe available or if she has had minimal schooling only the lowest paid jobs may be there too but possibly not enough wages to support her self and children and quite likely the whole family,i put my neice through college and she is finishing soon but even with decent education not sure what type of job and how much she will expect to earn . some girls can earn a small fortune working the bars get a few boyfriends on the go, getting monthly money coming from 3 BF's and still working the bars.
"and good luck to them". so a job back home don't seem like a good idea to some.
as for having 20000B in the bank maybe she is a good saver and not a big spender,would'nt worry to much about that. hope that helps a bit.

Well no body else wanted to do it so I'll will be the first to give advice

Do what those other guys said.

Udon emplyment yes there I some, people do infact make it on 4 k here how they do it I have no idea but it can be done and raise kids.

That is if she has a place to live, that doesn't cost her anything.

She wasn't working in Bangkok if she didn't have to.

Like they said go slow, really doesn't sound like you are if she has only been in Pattaya few days you couldn't have known her long.

Give her two week there and she will be learning survival quickly. The 20k isn't a lot of money, maybe she sold her motorcycle. I don't know.

You need to get here back to her roots and then you can learn what you really are dealing with. It could be that she has a extended family beyond her children that she is supporting, maybe even a husband.

If you decide to embark on this adventure be prepared to get the wallet out, goes with the territory. If she could make it here, she would be here.

The life for a bar girl in Pattaya isn't hardly paradise, it's just about money.

See nothing to add that the other guys hadn't already said.

Good Luck

just to add, regarding bank account when you asked, maybe there was a communication problem when asked her about it. At least she showed you the bank book . And some girls do struggle on the amount they get paid in bars , a lot find it the only way to find a decent BF or GF !
chok di and be prepared for plenty of communication problems!!!

patayapete wrote:but when i asked about bank acc. didn't seem to know and 2 days later produced a bank book dated nov 2005 20.000 bht deposit!! now am not expecting to meet snow white in a bar but would like to know how a girl in her situation gets that amount of dough,

Assuming that you did actually ask her where the money came from (you didn't mention it) one assumes you did not get a reply ?
and to say there is a communication problem doesn't wash - if she works in a bar there will be any number of girls who can speak English and all it takes is to ask one of them to ask your girl where the money came from.

If in doubt about something - ask you will get your answer instead of worrying about it and then asking others where it might have come from.

Once you have the given answer - then you can decide if its a plausible answer or not (then you may or may not begin to worry ! )

There could indeed be so many answers to your question.

If you want a more cynical answer, maybe she came to Pattaya, or wherever , previously (perhaps at the start of high season - November) and found a "good man" who gave or sent her the 20K, but then subsequently sent no more, so she returned 3 days ago looking for the next good-hearted farang.

If you really want to get into the detective work, can you interpret the transaction code in the bank passbook, to determine whether it came from outside Thailand? Though of course it could have been given in cash. Does she still have the 20K, or has it since been withdrawn via ATM?

Whatever, just go very slowly, observe, look and listen, including her friends and the types she mixes with. Incidentally, three children to support is quite a few!

well firstly thanks for all your advice,i understand the slowly slowly theme,and yes i've only known the girl a month,about the other points,i did ask where the money came from and as we were alone at the time got her hand put over my mouth which i interpreted as she didn't want to talk about it as it was probably a payment from x bf and did not persue the matter?of course this blows the only 3 days in pattaya out of the water!but whenever i gave her money for whatever she allways spent very little and promptly gave back the change.she has told me she is going back to udon and will await my return and that she wants me to travel to udon to see her family for myself.i can probably find out if she quits pattaya as i know quite a few falangs who live there,also as my present finances arn't great i wonder what it will take to make it possible for her to stay in udon if she does quit pattaya.once again thanks for all the advice. cheers

well if she is returning to udon without working you may find that she will ask you to support her and her children, that would be entirely up to you but be prepared for around ฃ100-200 per month.